Weaveth Steadily
by Ellie 5192
Summary: Follows I Walk The Line. SJ EST. Somewhere between hope and destruction they live a double life. How long before the house of cards tumbles? Can love really conquer all, or is the price just too high to pay? For this... would you pay it anyway?
1. The Nature of the Business

_Preview:_

_Weaveth Steadily_

It's been a year and a half since that fateful day on Edora, when a falling sky brought together two people who never should have fallen in love in the first place. They've been there for each other through thick and thin; alien bad guys and even some enemies on home soil. It seems that nothing can prove to be too much for the dynamic duo.

But when their personal lives are just starting to get on track, they are faced with more and more challenges, each one more trying than the last. Allies need their help, friends cause them trouble and, as always, they have a job to do- an unbeatable enemy to defeat. And let's not forget those close to home who want nothing more than to destroy the very thing they fight so hard to preserve.

How can they be expected to juggle it all? What will be sacrificed? What will be salvaged?

For Jack and Sam it's been a struggle to get to the place they're at. Professionally, they dodge bullets. Personally, they walk a tight wire.

Somewhere between hope and destruction they live a double life.

How long can they expect it to last before the house of cards tumbles?

Can love really conquer all, or is the price just too high to pay?

But, for this, would you pay it anyway?

_-0-0-0-_

_The saga continues...To those who have, again, followed me to this story, I cannot express my gratitude enough. Your support is unbelievable, and I thank you. To those who are new, please know that this story will make very little sense to you unless you've read 100 Days of Night and its sequel I Walk the Line. _

_This chapter is based on the events of Double Jeopardy, Exodus, Enemies and Threshold._

_I know I seem to say this all the time, but....... I hope you enjoy this next chapter in our saga! =D This is very much establishing time and place, but I will be going back to my one-shot format later. _

_Enjoy!_

_-0-0-0-_

SG-1 was quiet as they sat and pretended to watch the film in front of them. They were sitting in Daniel's new living room- Sam's old one- with boxes still scattered around- some hers and some his- and they hadn't said a word since Jack, Sam and Teal'c arrived unexpectedly with a movie, a pizza and a six pack of Guinness. Daniel had seemed relieved for the intrusion- it probably distracted him from what happened on this last mission.

They were all a little distracted. Their counterparts had died one way or another to save _them_. And, really, what made them any different from the SG-1 that was currently hiding from the world in Daniel's living room? They all hurt, they were still loyal to each other, and they still tried to carry on SG-1's objective, restricted as they were by their power packs. If it weren't for the fact they were mechanical on the inside, no one would know they _weren't_ human. The people of the planet had been fooled well enough.

It was a classic case of survivor's guilt, and they all hated that they felt that way because, really, those machines shouldn't have existed in the first place. And they certainly had no right going on missions, screwing things up for SG-1. But then, weren't they talking about themselves? Wouldn't they do the same thing? Hadn't they?

Jack took another swig of his beer. He'd lost track of the movie around the time Wado started cursing the Jedi for swindling him.

What got him the most was, for all the differences he could find between him and his counterpart, Jack knew of one very important similarity- one which blurred the line between man and machine more than anything. Proof of humanity, if that made sense.

'_So... you and her?' he had asked._

'_What?'_

'_You and Sam?'_

'_Oh... that...'_

'_Well?'_

'_Are _you_?'_

_The other Jack looked over to the two women, knowing his Sam only by her clothes, and Jack knew the truth. He'd have to ask Daniel if he ever looked that sappy, ever, and if he did, he was going to get someone to hit him._

'_Yeah'_

'_How long?'_

'_Not long after you left. Before Sam made the power packs. There's only so much you can talk about when you're stuck together before certain other things... come to light... Plus, it's not like we have anyone else' he'd added a little too flippantly. _

'She_ could have had someone else' retorted Jack, calling his own bluff._

_The machine had sighed in an all-too-familiar way. 'Yeah. I said that. She said she never wanted anyone else. I thought she was just saying that because we're all we've got'_

'_Yeah. I know what you mean'_

_When he gave him a look, Jack elaborated. 'We got stranded on a planet for almost a year. Just us'_

'_And you realised you'd been feeling... feelings... for a while?'_

'_Well, it certainly wasn't a feeling I had around Daniel or Teal'c"_

'_Yeah'_

And that had been the conversation. It hadn't seemed so important before, but looking back Jack couldn't deny his counterpart was more human than he'd ever let himself believe, and the thought that he'd, for lack of a better word, _died_ made Jack sick to his stomach. It must have showed, because Sam very subtly moved to settle further into his side. Then again, maybe she'd discovered the same thing he had, and maybe she was feeling what he was feeling.

His arm around her shoulder tightened a little, and he felt her lightly sigh, indicating she had her own thoughts to work through.

He was sure they'd all be a little deep in thought tonight.

-0-0-0-

Jack and Sam had taken the guest room and Teal'c the couch, and for at least an hour they had laid there, unspeaking, both aware the other was wide awake.

Jack turned over so he was on his side, facing her. She turned her head to look at him.

"They were together", she said.

"Yeah. Longer than us, apparently"

Sam only nodded, and a single tear fell silently from her eye.

"They risked everything for our cause. _They're_ cause... _our_ cause"

"And they knew the risks", said Jack gently, having come to the conclusion himself since they'd been lying there.

"Yeah", she sighed, admitting he was right. "I just know, had it been me, I would have done the same as them. I _know _that. Because once..."

"They were us"

"Yeah"

Jack put him arm lightly around her and she immediately responded, tucking unto the crook of his shoulder, her head resting again his chest. At least, she thought, I'm not the only one confused about how we should be feeling about this.

She let her mind wander over the slight distinctions between them and the machines, remembering the smallest differences that let her know which Jack she'd been speaking to. She had known, just by watching the ways the other Sam had interacted with the other Jack, that there was something between them. Perhaps it wasn't as official as her and 'human Jack'- there could be no promise of vows or cake or a marriage license- but it had been there, and it had been as real as her own relationship, and didn't that mean _something_?

"It's always us", she said softly after a moment.

"Hmm?"

"Us. It's always us. The alternate realities we've seen- it's been us. This... it was us. I'm never with... _anyone_ else, you're never with someone else... it's always _us. _The reality Daniel went to, the other Sam who came through, the robot us..."

"That a bad thing?"

"I think it's a very telling thing"

"What, like, no matter what crazy reality we're in I'll still love you?"

Sam huffed in amusement at his tone, but didn't miss the real question. "Something like that"

"Well... whatever reality _we're_ in... I love you"

"I know"

She pulled herself up a little to look at him, and kissed him lightly, allowing herself just a moment to grieve the loss of an ally that never should have been.

"I just hope I never have to say good-bye like that"

"I can't promise anything"

"I know. Neither can I"

"Nothing is certain when we step through that gate"

"It's not. But... every time we come _back_ it gives me a little more confidence"

"A good track record"

"For all the trouble we get into, we'll get through it, won't we?"

"I can't promise we'll get through it all, Sam. But I swear to God I'll try"

"Me too"

"Always"

She smiled hesitantly, as though afraid to be too happy after the mission they'd just had.

"I love you too, you know?"

"I know"

"Good. Just so long as you know that"

Jack kissed her again, and they settled back into the covers, a little more distance between them than before, their feet still lightly touching. Sam couldn't imagine having everything taken from her the way their machine counterparts had lost everything. To be forced to stay behind- she knew exactly why they resumed their missions. Her only consolation was that, for a short time, the other Jack and Sam had been together- had experienced a little of what she had. She knew that if Edora had been a permanent solution, he may have been her only sanity. And even then, it would have been a stretch.

No, she couldn't blame them for wanting to get back in the game.

-0-0-0-

"Hey", greeted Daniel, rubbing his eyes.

"Good afternoon Daniel", greeted Jack with fake joviality.

Daniel looked at the clock and found it was only ten, and rolled his eyes at Jack. "Just because some of us have a ridiculous body clock"

"Eight o'clock is not ridiculous. _Six_-" he added, giving Sam a look "- is ridiculous"

"I'm disciplined"

"Insane, maybe"

"I need coffee", announced Daniel, effectively stopping the banter before it had begun.

"Already on", said Sam, pointing to the bench and the waiting pot of steaming coffee.

"Oh, legend"

Jack snorted, and muttered something about him spending too much time around Cassie.

"So, what's on the agenda today?" asked Jack.

"We are booking a celebrant", said Sam pointedly.

"What, _now_?"

"Yes, now. Before we discover they are all booked out on the one day we want one. It's almost Christmas... we wait any longer and it'll be the New Year"

"Alright, alright, wedding stuff it is"

"You guys pick a date?"

"March 25th", said Sam instantly.

"Really?" asked Jack.

"You didn't know?" asked Daniel.

"We hadn't said"

"Is that alright?" asked Sam, wondering if maybe there was a reason why March wouldn't work.

"March sounds good"

"Okay. March it is"

-0-0-0-

And then they were called to work and none of their plans were made.

The Tok'ra needed their help, and Apophis caused more trouble that he was worth. Jack and Jacob had some verbal sparring, all in good humour, and SG-1 mourned over the loss of Teal'c. Daniel had tried to make Jack feel better, because that's what Daniel did, and Jack had once again felt as though he'd failed a friend, because despite Daniel's reminder that they were not the only trained soldiers out there, Jack still felt that every action and reaction of his team reflected how well he did his job, and a death certainly put a black mark on that record.

And all the while, Jack couldn't help but think of how disappointed Sam would be if they couldn't get back to Earth by March.

"Carter..."

Because whenever they were at work he did his best to call her Carter and not Sam.

"... how do you know where to _go_ in a place like this?"

"I studied the Tok'ra specs of this ship while we were on Vorash"

"You know how to have a good time don't you?" he'd asked mockingly, because despite his best efforts, she still insisted on bringing stuff like that home for her nightly reading, and he truly didn't understand it... any of it.

"Having a good time now, Sir", she'd said playfully, her gun hoisted a little higher against her shoulder.

And, because he knew she secretly loved it when he lightened up around her at work, and she really did do an awesome job blowing up that sun, "You go girl"

She'd smiled before turning the corner, and he made a vow to himself that he was getting them all home. This, of course, was not so easy when the Carter's were being so damn negative- particularly the elder- and that same said elder was mocking Jack somehow, just in the way he insisted on being in charge and calling the shots. Jack felt part of the family, but come on; a little optimism never went astray.

In the end they had narrowly escaped, and what Jacob had said rang loud- 'Getting his mind back might not be as easy'

And it wasn't. Their friend almost died coming back to them- if you didn't count the fact he did actually flat-line. They had all felt it. SG-1 almost lost one of their own, and they were family, and there was only so much a family could take. It was worse than watching him die- to see Teal'c suffer over something that was neither his fault nor his choice. Even Janet, for all her impartiality as a doctor, was conflicted and untrusting of Bra'tac's methods. Sam had shown Bra'tac the most faith, certain that the man knew their friend at least as well as they did, and had taken it upon herself to explain their reasoning while trying to understand his. Ever the scientist. She'd come to Jack after, and told him of Bra'tac's words- 'life for the sake of life means nothing', he'd said.

Later, when Teal'c had been sedated for some rest and SG-1 had been told to go home, she sought Jack out, and in the relative privacy of his office, she had cried.

SG-1 had been given a week off- a week to recover and to celebrate both the defeat of Apophis and the return of their friend to them. More than that, the revival of a brother once lost.

Wasn't there a song about that or something? A cliché or two that could be used?

-0-0-0-

"Been one hell of a month", said Jack, as they were lying in his bed- their bed, the third night of their leave, after two days relaxing as a team.

"You could say that"

"You know what I just realised?"

"What?"

"We missed Christmas... and New Year"

Sam chuckled next to him. "I'll get you a present anyway... a belated Christmas present"

Jack noted the glow of her bracelet in the dim moonlight as her hand rested out of the covers on her stomach. It always made his chest constrict a little, seeing that bracelet, more than the engagement ring on her finger ever did. It was corny and over the top and a little too analytical for his tastes, but he saw it as being symbolic- each little loop holding another in place, every little imperfection being over-ruled by the overall beauty of the whole object. He was glad Karl had called him into the blacksmiths that day, when Jack had nothing better to do but wander around.

"Sweet..."

They both turned onto their backs and stared at the ceiling, letting their thoughts gather.

"You gonna call a guy tomorrow?"

"Yeah"

Jack nodded once, and they both went back to staring at the roof, deep in thought.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"How would you feel about... having a priest?"

He didn't immediately answer, but there was one question that came to mind.

"I'm not fussed... but may I ask... why?"

Sam sighed next to him, and he prepared himself for a long, scrambled conversation.

"I know... it's... it's not..."

"Sam... spit it out"

"It's silly"

"Sam", he said, calling her bluff.

"It was something Teal'c said"

"Hmm?"

"He said... he asked if I believed in a God"

Jack took that information and processed. He knew enough to know she was Roman Catholic, but then anyone would know that if they'd seen her dog-tags. She also seemed to know the Bible well enough to hold a sort of reverence for it- to hold a grudge when her former fiancé took it upon himself to be God and her commanding officer misquoted his commandments. But then, he'd never seen her in a church- had never figured her to be all that religious, what with her being a stickler for the Big Band theory and all.

"And what did you say?" asked Jack.

"I didn't answer"

"But...?"

"But... I don't know"

He stayed silent.

"I do"

"What?" he asked, confused.

"I do believe in a God. I know that sounds crazy..."

"Not really", he said quietly, thinking of the countless prayers he'd recited in that waiting room while the doctors failed to save his son.

"I just... I guess I've always thought there must be something else after this. Heaven, evolution, I don't know, but _something_. My mother was Catholic... went to church every now and then. Even with my interest in science, she always tried to give me something... Dad too, I guess. 'You can still have faith, Sammie', she'd say. 'If not religion, then faith'. And I did- I always had faith in numbers. Numbers... they work. You put two and two together and every time you get four. It's safe. But..."

"Now you're not so sure", said Jack, kind of knowing what she was getting at. If a loyal man could turn on his living, breathing God, then was any kind of faith safe or sacred? What made their blind faith in a Western deity any different from the millions of Jaffa out there who worshiped parasites that could use technology? And were they wrong for still believing in _anything_, given their day-job, or was theirs somehow different, perhaps because it wasn't so tangible?

"Yeah. I guess I'm _not_ sure anymore. Bra'tac, he had such faith that his way would work. Us- we had such faith that Teal'c would come back to us. Even Janet- she had such faith that just one more shock would start his heart. Everyone has to believe in _something_. No matter what it is... and maybe that's why I was so scared for Teal'c- it's like we were asking him to give up the _one_ thing that he had absolute faith in. I had to keep reminding myself that he'd done it before, that he'd lost his faith before and found a new belief"

"There are just some things you _shouldn't _believe in, Sam. Some faith is not good"

"Yeah. I know. I know that now. But, then, where's the line? Even here, we have people fighting over God- because of God- in the name of God. Is it right to still believe when we fight it every day?"

"I think a little faith in something that inspires you to go on- gives you hope for something better... I think everyone could do with a little faith in that"

Sam smiled, and wasn't that surprised to find a deep answer from him.

"So... what's the real reason you'd like a priest?" he asked gently, without accusation.

"I'd like to think that there's someone out there watching, who has our backs, and if they are, I'd like them to watch out for _us_. If they've been the one to give us our uncanny good luck, I'd like them at our wedding"

"Okay"

"Plus..."

"What?"

"I know my Mom would have been proud to see me in a Catholic church. Well, I don't want the church, but..."

"It's important to you, your faith, even if you don't show it. I understand"

"You don't mind?"

"Sam, I've stepped foot in a church a half a dozen times in my life... one of those times was to get married"

It was a fact duly noted and accepted. He'd been married, had a son, and divorced. She'd been engaged to a psychopath and had a couple of short-lived flings with aliens. Sam didn't react to the suggestion that perhaps part of the reason he didn't mind her doing most of the planning was because he'd done this before.

"If you want a priest, we'll have a priest. It obviously means a lot to you?"

"Yeah"

"Then, consider it done"

"Thank you"

He kissed the top of her head. "Anything", he said, refusing to add 'for you' to the sentiment for fear of being too cliché. Sam grinned anyway, hearing it anyway.

"I'm really glad Teal'c is okay", she said after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah", he sighed deeply. "So am I"

"He's..."

"Family"

"Exactly"

"They both are"

"Yeah. They are. I've got a better relationship with SG-1 than I ever did with Mark"

She tried not to sound bitter, but Jack could tell that her entire family situation bothered her sometimes, particularly when they came close to losing a team member and the boundaries between colleague and friend were blurred.

"I was spooky seeing Teal'c that way", said Jack, revealing in that simple statement just how much he cared for his friend and had been afraid for him.

"We've never seen him that way"

"Nope"

"The first time we really met him was after he left everything to help us"

"Yep"

"I never want to see that again", she said lowly.

"I know exactly what you mean", he answered, and his words held more weight than either of them were used to.

In a vague gesture of comfort- and perhaps seeking her own comfort- Sam turned onto her side and rested her cheek against his shoulder. His other arm came up and his hand ran down her cheek, acknowledging what she was offering, before settling back at his side.

"Love you", she muttered softly into his shoulder. She always seemed to make a point of saying that before falling asleep, even if he had pissed her off to no end that day. Almost like a final sentiment- her own personal brand of 'if I should die before I wake, I pray the last thing you heard were these words', or something to that effect.

"Love you", he echoed, because, if he should die and all that, he'd like it to be the last thing _he_ ever said- the last thing she was sure of. He wondered what the last words she'd said to her mother were. If she remembered them. If she regretted them. Perhaps there was something in her gesture other than remnants of a childhood prayer.

They drifted off, mostly on their own sides of the bed, except for the lightest touch of her cheek resting against his shoulder, the material of his tee-shirt the only boundary, the warmth of their bodies reverberating in that small space.


	2. Thursday

_I'm on holiday at the moment, and amazingly our resort thingy has free internet connection... so I'm uploading from here... _

_Right! It's time to really shake this story up... I said this was going to be AU- Time to live up to the expectation!_

_-0-0-0-_

The day his life truly changed- more than it had ever changed before- was a Thursday. It started like any other Thursday, and though Sam went home early for feeling ill and he had more reports to catch up on than usual, it seemed like it would end like any other Thursday. Of course, he forgot that the day didn't end until midnight, and that there was seven hours between midnight and the time her arrived home to find Sam in the kitchen making brownies.

That in itself was a sign of something. Brownies were her specialty, and the one thing she could boast about in the kitchen. They also happened to be her comfort food and, when she baked them herself, a sign that she was stressed about something. He approached the kitchen with a little caution.

"Hey you. How you feeling?"

"Fine", she answered tightly, not looking up from the bowl she was washing in the sink, a layer of perfectly good gooey chocolate being washed down the drain.

"You okay?" he asked, keeping it light enough that he could be talking about her trip to the infirmary that day and not her obvious mood.

"I'm fine", she said, a little too forcefully.

Jack decided on a different tactic, going instead for the safe topic of Edora- their so-called 'happy place'.

"You remind me of being on Edora, seeing you in the kitchen like this. I'd never seen you cook before then", he said lightly.

"That's nice"

And again, she didn't acknowledge him as she picked up the wooden spoon from the counter and went to the sink to wash it. Jack resisted the urge to take it from her and lick it clean, certain the gesture would not be appreciated.

"Wouldn't it be nice to go back?"

He didn't mean forever... perhaps just for a holiday, a weekend, perhaps their honeymoon.

"It would be just perfect for you wouldn't it?" she asked lowly, violently throwing the wooden spoon back into the sink, refusing to meet his gaze over the bench between them as she clutched the edge in anger. "We go back, don't have to face the real world- you could ignore the constant threat of the goa'uld... oh just perfect"

She spun around to face him, her anger mounting, her arms flailing in the air, punctuating her words as each point was given its moment. "Jack O'Neill, exhibit A in avoidance tactics and all-round smart ass, retires to a far off planet because it's just all too _hard_ back home"

"That's what you think? That I'm running away?" he returned, furious that she would suggest that he ran away from _anything_ worth fight for, and more than very confused over her sudden mood and outburst. He was here, wasn't he, fighting with her in his kitchen because he'd neither run from his feelings nor let them be taken away? He was being the nice guy wasn't he, enquiring after her health, since she'd been sent home earlier that day on medical leave? He rounded the bench and stood before her, eyes boring into her, only a foot between them, a million questions being asked without speaking.

"What the hell am I supposed to think?" she asked incredulously, arms again giving weight to her words. "You stand there talking about Edora as though it would be so _easy_ to go back- as though all we have to do is 'summon the emotion' or some rubbish and it's ours again- we could be like we were. But that wasn't _us_, Jack... it wasn't us. Not the _real_ us. It was some fantasy that we lived for a year while we were waiting for the real world to find us..."

She'd barely got the last word out before his lips crashed into hers violently and she was stilled, her hands clutching his arms. His hands held the sides of her face almost too roughly, and her eyes had shut, almost flinching, when he'd come at her, and when he pulled back with force she looked at him with shock because, for all the situations they had ever been in, she had never seen a depth of emotion to rival that which was in his eyes at that moment.

"Whatever you may think of me... whatever you believe to be true... know this-"

And he held her face steady, his thumbs lightly running over her cheeks in hazy reassurance as her wall of anger started to crumble and give way to the emotion lying underneath.

"- what we had on Edora... what we let ourselves have there... it was real. All of it was real for me. And it's as real today as it ever was. And if it wasn't the same for you- if you don't feel the same now- then you better pack up your things and leave right now, because... I can't live a lie, Sam. Not now- not when I know what I've got to lose. I won't live a lie"

Tears slipped from her eyes, hot and heavy, and as the last remaining dregs of anger faded, he saw her true feelings- the real reason she had lashed out at him. It was fear. Fear of something a lot less tangible than a goa'uld mothership, and a lot more complicated to deal with. A single sob escaped before she could speak, and his thumb wiped another tear from her cheek, his compassion overtaking his immediate response of fury.

"I'm pregnant, Jack", she whispered.

"What?"

Of all the things he was expecting- of all the things he was preparing himself for- this was not it, and it showed in the way his brow furrowed and his voice pitched.

"I'm pregnant", she said again through a sob, her hands involuntarily flexing against his arms as though afraid he might pull away.

"Sam", he whispered, still shocked. He pulled her back a little, inspecting her as though expecting to find some monumental difference since he'd seen her that morning. His eyes went wide, his mouth stopped working, and when he didn't immediately flee or lash out, Sam felt some of the tensions leave her.

"How... when..."

Sam let the smallest of smiles through, but she was still afraid of a great many things.

"I went to see Janet this morning about this flu I've had. She ran blood tests. As soon as she got them back and told me... Six weeks... and I just didn't know what to do... I went to your office, but you must have been at lunch, and then I got so scared, and I thought... oh god... a baby. Jack- this... this is a baby..."

He pulled her to him fiercely, wrapping his arms around her back and threading one hand into her hair as he'd done a million times before. His mind was racing too fast for him to make any real sense of the situation, but he knew that Sam was more scared than excited, and he knew that his unwavering support was the only thing that would reassure her at that moment.

"I... don't know... Jack... a baby. We never... I mean, you and I..."

"We'll work it out", he said, finally finding speech again.

"How?" she sobbed. "With our jobs, with the goa'uld, with Kinsey... God, everything is just such a mess at the moment, and now we're going to have a baby... I don't know how to be a mother, and we never really decided when..."

"Sam", he said, his voice stronger than before. He pulled her back to face him, and again cradled her face in his palms. "We'll work this out"

She nodded, still a little uncertain of herself, and his kissed her softly. A wave of relief washed over her. She'd been so afraid that he'd be angry- that he'd reject the idea totally. She didn't know why she'd doubted him, but when the image of him storming out had entered her mind, she'd found it hard to shake, and by the time he got home she'd convinced herself that she had to battle fire with fire, forgetting that she had yet to even tell him of their news.

Jack, his hands cupping her shoulders, bent his head to look at her still-flat stomach, and she saw a mix of emotion in the way he slowly knelt in front of her and rested his head in her abdomen. He was fearful- as he'd said before- of the emotional implication of another child. Was it replacing Charlie? Was it forgetting Charlie? Was it- God forbid- repeating Charlie? Or was it a second chance, a chance Jack didn't even feel he deserved, given how epically he'd failed his son?

He didn't know what this meant, really. All he knew was that, as he sat there, his forehead leaning against her , his hands clutching hers, he felt a swell of something from within, so small and inconspicuous it took a while for him to identify exactly what it was. And he realised it was hope. It was joy. It was the realisation that he was going to be a father and maybe, with a bit of luck, support and reassurance, he was going to get it right this time. He would not fail again- he would not let himself fail again.

Jack stood back up and ran his thumbs down Sam's wet cheeks before cradling her head and staring into her shiny eyes, willing her to have the same faith that he had- to acknowledge that they could be scared and happy at the same time.

"I love you", he said lowly, deeply. "And we will love this baby. And no matter what comes, know that you will never, ever be alone in this. I will _always_ be here for you... no matter what... believe me"

"I do. I do", she repeated, throwing herself into his arms in a rare show of desperate need. "I love you. God I love you. And I'm scared, and confused, and... Jack, I'm happy. I'm so damn happy, and I feel silly because I shouldn't be..."

"Yes you should. This is good news. No matter what's going on out there, this is good news, and you should be happy about being happy"

"Are you?"

"Yeah", he breathed with a smile. "I am. I really am"

Sam kissed him, and he responded, and when they finally broke, all traces of doubt had been erased, and for the first time all they felt was pure bliss over the fact that they were going to be parents.

"You know what this means, don't you?" asked Jack, a cheeky grin spreading over his face.

"What?"

"No you not only have to plan a wedding, but you have to think-"

"-of baby names"

"Yep"

Sam groaned and lightly hit her head against his shoulder. He huffed in good humour and rubbed her back, which turned again into a fierce embrace.

"I'll deal with it", she said, over his shoulder.

"I vote Bart"

And she whacked him, because for the next seven and a half months, she had the perfect excuse- hormones. And when Friday rolled around, Jack decided her flu was just too serious for his to go into work, and he should have a long weekend, because he knew that while ol' Doc Frasier might not do it for him, she'd keep their secret for Sam. At least until Monday. Then all bets were off.


	3. The Left Side of the Bed

Captivating State (syn.) 1. To take a side. 2. To capture territory. 3. To be overcome by the state.

_This is a little head piece that I have posted before as a one-shot, but it fits into this reality as it is now, so I've put it up with the previous chapter. A treat, just for you._

_Enjoy..._

_-0-0-0-_

He slept on the left side of the bed.

She had discovered that handling a serious Simpson's addict was not as easy as it sounded. That being with a man who was more like a boy was not always endearing or fun or even remotely _cute_. That he liked to just leave the plates to pile in the sink, despite the fact they had a perfectly good working dishwasher, and she didn't know why, but she found herself cleaning up after him and she hated it because, God damn it, she was _not,_ nor ever proclaimed to _be,_ Betty freaking Crocker.

And some days she couldn't think straight because he'd be playing paper-ball-and-rubber-band hockey, or trying to make sculptures out of pencils in her lab while she was working, or deliberately flicking _something_ against the metallic bench just to get a sound and a reaction. He was a serious pain in the ass.

But he slept on the left side of the bed.

Sam was having some doubts about the idea of the wedding. Granted, nothing had really been decided or even seriously discussed, and she knew with every fibre in her being that she loved Jack more than she even knew it was possible to love someone that way. But how do you live with someone who you both love and want to strangle? She was finding the delicate balancing act tiring in a way it never was in the field, though it was the same restraint as when he blatantly mocked higher ranking men than him- right to their face. And despite the fact she- for some ungodly reason- truly found his jokes funny and loved that secretly he _did_ know how to cook a steak to perfection (but don't tell anyone), she was seriously doubting whether she could listen to those jokes for the rest of her life without telling him every damn day to grow up, build a bridge or just plain _play nice with the other children_.

And yet, despite all that- despite the fact his snoring woke her every second night, and his sudden and often violent mood swings could give her whiplash, and that she didn't feel comfortable even _mentioning_ children in front of him because she couldn't even _begin_ to understand the pain of _that_ can of worms, she found she was infuriated with herself because she couldn't say 'no'.

Because he slept on the left side of the bed.

He was an annoying pain in the ass. He whined when she cooked him his veggies, and he complained that there was _never _enough beer in the fridge, and he never noticed when she did her hair different, but by God, if she tied her boots different there was hell to pay, and don't even get me started on changing her side-arm because, heaven forbid she prefer a Glock to a Beretta. Oh, and one more thing, why did he have to call her Carter, even sometimes at home, when she always seemed to make an effort to call him Jack under their roof, and really, weren't their names just another thing that reminded them when and where they were at any given time?

But, then, she couldn't always complain. Because he also brought her dinner at eleven thirty at night- on base- when he knew she was under a lot of pressure from the labs to get some fancy contraption up and running before so-and-so date. Even though he would have normally been in bed hours ago. And he'd stay until she all but pushed him out because, in his half-sleep, he was drooling all over her paperwork. And when she walked him to their shared quarters- because they were a week away from walking down the aisle and apparently they allowed things like that these days- he gave her a peck, smack bang on the lips, in the middle of the corridor, ignoring his own suggestion to keep PDA's to an absolute zero on base. And when she took his boots off for him as he very easily slipped into the Land of Nod on their queen bed, he still tried his best to mumble something that resembled 'love you'. Not to mention, two hours later, when she finally went back to said room, she saw he had moved over in his sleep to give her space on the bed, even though he'd been out to the world.

That's when she knew that for all the things she ever found wrong with their relationship, she'd always have at least one small sign that he loved her. He was funny, if only to make her smile. He was a slob, if only to keep her grounded firmly in the reality of 'the American dream' and not on P4X-901. He watched the Simpson's because, after all, wasn't this all about give and take, and he'd be damned if she was taking that. And he came to keep her company at night, dinner in hand, because he knew that this was one argument he would not win. And he'd kiss her in the corridor, gossip be damned, because for God's sake, she was his fiancée and he was allowed.

And he slept on the left side of the bed.

Because he knew the right side, away from the window, was _her_ side.


	4. Beanie Babies

_Man, it's been a while. Sorry about that. Life caught up with me and I had to duck into three alleys and use two aliases to once again escape its clutches. Nevertheless, I am here, and just for you, I bring fluff._

-0-0-0-

Jack was lying on his side, the pad of his finger running lightly over her brow, her nose, her lips, her forehead. She never moved, and he grinned, because either she was slipping, or she was just that damn used to him being around.

"Wakey wakey", he cooed softly, so softly he knew she wouldn't wake. "Sam. Wakey wakey"

She groaned in her sleep, her nose crinkling under his finger, but it was hardly a conscious acknowledgement of morning.

"Sam. Time to get up sleepy head"

Parting her lips slightly she managed to emit a sound that should have sounded like 'no', but came out more like 'mmmnnnhhhmmm'

"Sam... come on... waking up now"

"No"

"You don't want to get up?" he asked mockingly. They both knew she was the one who was usually up hours before him on a weekend. The baby had, so far, caused very little trouble with regard to keeping food down and getting good sleep, but the one noticeable change had been to her body clock. For the first time in her life, Samantha Carter-soon-to-be-O'Neill liked to sleep in. Late. Which was fine with Jack because, for the first time since they started waking up in the same bed, he got to watch her open her eyes to a new day, every day, and not just those times when an active night drained her of her last energy reserves.

"Too comfortable", she mumbled, settling further into her pillow as though to prove her point.

"But we're getting married"

"What?!"

Her eyes flew open, shocked and worried and surprised, and her body tensed next to him. Jack couldn't hide his grin.

"You ass, that's not 'till tomorrow"

It still made his heart skip a beat to hear it.

"You almost believed me", he accused mockingly.

"I'd forgotten it was so close"

"You forgot?" he asked, his tone again mocking her and her apparent lack of cognitive reasoning this morning.

"Shut up. It's Sunday"

Jack grinned, leaning back a little, his head resting on his open palm, his elbow digging into his pillow. Sam matched his grin, and it turned into a huge, as-only-Sam-can smile, and because Jack not-so-secretly loved that smile, he grinned a little wider.

"We're getting married tomorrow", she whispered, seemingly still amazed that they were able to get to that step.

"Yes we are"

Sam grinned again and, placing a hand on the back of his neck, pulled him into a kiss, morning breath be damned. Jack didn't care- in fact he barely noticed, lost as he was in the thought that this was, marvellously, real. He half rolled on top of her, mindful of his weight, and pulled back to look down at her. He scanned her face, pushing back the bed-hair from her face.

"I love you", he whispered.

"Do you really think I'd be letting you marry me if you didn't?"

She raised an eyebrow too, which confirmed that she really was spending too much time with him.

"Smart ass", he mumbled, kissing the tip of her nose- a gesture she rarely appreciated ("How do you know I don't have boogers up there?").

"Hmmm... a smart ass that loves you back, fly-boy"

"Don't you start that fly-boy shit with me"

Sam giggled and watched- her hand resting lightly on the back of his head- as he shuffled down the bed until his face was level with her stomach. Gently, almost reverently, he lifted her (actually, _his_) tee-shirt and lightly touched his lips to the smallest of bumps that had started to grow there. If it weren't for the fact that he knew her stomach was normally wash-board flat, he'd never have known that their child was growing in there. Sam's fingers were slightly caressing his hair, her head angled to watch him, again amazed by the tenderness the hardened man showed towards something that was no bigger than a kidney bean.

But then, it was _their_ kidney bean, unexpected as it was, and that made all the difference, didn't it? She'd been horrified when Janet confirmed pregnancy, sure that she had taken her preventative shots, even if they never used anything else. Janet had given the same old speech of 'nothing's perfect' and given an explanation that Sam's altered body chemistry meant she needed double doses- a fact they forgot this time.

But after the initial fear had subsided, and Sam's transfer to the labs had come through (a transfer she had already put in for the month before), she had Jack had embraced the idea of parenthood. As much as they were capable, given everything that was still so uncertain in their lives. Jack had confessed to Daniel, who had mentioned it to Sam, that he'd been stationed away for much of Sara's pregnancy, which made him almost a first-timer at this too. It was both a comfort and a worry.

They'd grudgingly agreed that Sam would be transferred off SG-1 after maternity leave was up, at least in the immediate future. It was a hard decision, but it made sense, and as much as she loved SG-1, she didn't want her child growing up without both its parents, and if at least one of them stayed behind, the odds were lifted significantly. Losing her mother so young had taught her the value of a strong family unit, and she was determined that her child would not be raised by someone else because her and Jack failed to come home.

Jack had understood, and when he watched her make that decision for himself- watched her deliberate silently for hours at their kitchen table- he knew not to question it. She had made up her mind, and he'd respect that. It would not be easy for them, they knew, but they'd make it work, just as they'd made everything else work despite the odds.

Which lead to mornings like this one- the both of them lying there, enjoying each other's company, relishing the fact that in a few short months that kidney bean would be a living, breathing, miniature version of them, and in a few short hours they'd be husband and wife.

Jack looked up from where he was lying, sprawled as he was across her legs, his chin resting on his hands that we across her abdomen in a gesture Sam was sure was unconscious, as though even now he was trying to protect 'the bean'.

"Love you", he said again, because he was only ever this sentimental in the mornings, but in a big way. Sam smiled, her hand caressing his hair again in acknowledgement.

"I love you, more than I ever thought I could love another person", she replied, and even as cliché as it was, Jack again felt that unmistakable swell under his sternum. Her hand half guided him as he shuffled back up her body to steal a tender kiss.

"Nowhere else I'd rather be", he muttered in a rare moment of pure, fluffy honesty.

"Me neither"

"I'd prefer it if we were naked"

Sam chuckled- giggled really- and stole another kiss that lingered and changed and turned passionate but surprisingly not so much arousing as sensual and intimate. Basically, it was a kiss that turned her insides to mush, on which Jack prided himself.

"I don't ever want to leave this bed", Jack mumbled, their lips hardly parting enough for the words to come out.

"Not even to marry me?"

And, even after all this time, and everything they'd been through, Jack could still hear the smallest tinge of doubt in her voice- the barest hint that despite her playfulness and flippancy, she still needed a little reassuring once in a while, and really, could he blame her, because after all he was the same.

"We could just invite the priest in here to do the service"

"And earn ourselves a place in hell?"

"Been there, done that, had a look around, picked up Dad and flew our little burned butts home..."

Their lips were still dancing together, more passionate than before, finding new skin to cover before returning to their favourite destination. And, because she really was a little too distracted at that particular moment to come up with any kind of reply, Sam moaned her response and was more than willing to join in the game his hands were playing again her skin, mimicking the action over his bare chest.

And when they were lying in bed later that day, naked and sweaty and wonderfully sated, Jack turned his head to kiss her crown, and thanked whoever was listening for his second chance. It was one hell of a second chance.

-0-0-0-

"Everything set?" he asked, walking into the living room with a tea for her and a plate of sandwiches to share.

"I think so", she muttered, looking almost amazed that a wedding could be so easy to organise. True to her word, Sam had gone bare minimum, choosing to have the service in his yard, their closest friends present, a minister and three people in her half of the wedding party- Janet, Cassie and her sister-in-law. Jack also went simple, having Daniel and Teal'c as his best men. Jacob had come on loan to give her away, and though he could only stay for that one day, Sam had almost cried when the news come through that he was going to be there. The reception was to be held at the SGC, allowing a few allies to come over if they so wished. It would also prove to be advantageous for the couple, who were to have their honeymoon back where it all started- Edora. It was technically labelled a 'trading negations mission', but nobody was fooled.

"You going to Daniel's tonight?"

"Yep. Cassie said she'd kill me if we didn't do this the right way"

"I got a similar speech"

"Bet you didn't get threatened with big needles for _upsetting_ Cassie if we didn't", he muttered.

"Nope. Janet wouldn't do that. Not while I carry Bean"

"Bean?" asked Jack, well aware that while they had occasionally referred to their expected child as a kidney bean, it was hardly common enough to be its _nickname_ of all things.

"I'll be damned if we're calling it Junior", she retorted with a pointed eyebrow raise.

Jack looked to her still-flat stomach, then to her expectant gaze, contemplating. He nodded once, firmly. "Bean it is"

Sam smirked at him, and nodded herself, taking another sandwich.

"You wanna know what it is?" asked Jack, inclining his head to her stomach.

"Do you?"

Jack shrugged.

"You do", said Sam with a smirk, knowing his physical gestures as well as she knew his tactics in the field.

"I wouldn't mind _not _knowing, if that's what you're asking"

"Nah... I... I kind of wanna know myself"

"Sweet. Then... as soon as we can...?"

"I'll ask Janet at the 19 week ultrasound"

Jack nodded again, and Sam suddenly went still, contemplating whether or not to ask the next question. Finally, deciding that she couldn't let the past keep haunting them, she did.

"Do you have a preference?"

Jack looked up, a little surprised by the question, before his expression shifted and Sam noticed a barrier go up, if not between the two of them then between him and his memories.

"Do you?"

This time Sam shrugged, but left it open, waiting for the answer she knew he was delaying. "Just so long as it's healthy and happy and all that", she said, reciting the line a million mothers before her had said.

"You?" she asked again.

Jack sighed softly, and though for a moment he thought of Charlie- how could he not?- he found himself thinking back on a dream he had once on Edora- one of a little girl with blonde hair and Sam's eyes- only brown- and his smile, being followed by a horse somewhere in a field. He smiled a little to himself as the memory came, and felt almost telepathic.

"I think I'd like a little girl", he said, almost a whisper, meeting her eyes clearly, for once free of the ghost of his son. He wasn't naive enough to deny that there was something incredibly selfish in the admission- to have a girl would reaffirm to his subconscious that he wasn't trying to replace the boy he lost. Wasn't trying to recreate the life he once had with these new people as stand-ins. But mostly he wanted a girl because, while he couldn't imagine loving anyone the way he loved Sam, he _could_ imagine loving a mini-Sam in an entirely new way altogether. And the thought of seeing something they created- some_one_ they created- without worrying about whether every smile or soccer game or ripped sneaker would dredge up painful memories was a comfort. It would be nice to love them for who they were, not who they weren't.

Sara and Charlie had been his life for a time, and it was a time that changed him more than any other before it- grounded him when the life of black-ops threatened to take him down the dire path, a la Jonas Hanson. He wouldn't trade those years for anything, no matter how much he wished they were different in so many ways. But the SGC, Sam, this baby, they were is life in the present, and he wouldn't trade that either because, as he had to keep reminding himself, it was no use asking _why_ he got the second chance if he wasn't willing to embrace it. And he was embracing it.

Sam seemed to sense all this- she seemed to understand that part of the answer was selfish and part of it was honest and part of it was even excitement of having something completely new for both of them (at least until she got to Cassie's age). Sam sensed all this and she smiled because, if she was being honest, she also kind of wanted a girl, even if she said otherwise, and if she was going to do this 'womanly mothering thing', why not go all out and have the tea-parties and princess outfits to match?

"I think a girl would be nice", she said.

"Not that it _has _to be"

"Of course not"

"But a girl..."

Sam nodded. She got it. It wouldn't matter. Not really. Not at all. They would love this baby if it came out blue, green and silver with five arms and purple hair. It was all just speculation, but they had been honest, and that was the important part.

"And until then..." started Jack.

"Bean"

He nodded, and picked up a sandwich, and watched as Sam glanced at the clock, silently counting down the hours until they were man and wife.

-0-0-0-

_Back soon with the wedding. And some drama... hmmmm I wonder what it could be..._


	5. Here Comes The Bride

_Never written a wedding before. Wish me luck. Sorry it's been so long- life got in the way again. The next few chapters may be a little sporadic, just because of my work-load at the moment. But don't worry, it's getting there! And this one's a little longer to make up for the delay._

-0-0-0-

"You nervous?" asked Daniel from the mirror when he was straightening his tie.

"A little", admitted Jack, tugging at the sleave of his Dress Blues.

"Is Sam?"

"I dunno, I haven't spoken to her today, remember?"

Daniel grinned at the almost hysterical note in his voice, barely hidden under the mask of gruff indifference. Cassie had barred all calls between the two for the night, forbidding Jack to call Sam at Janet's house and keeping a sharp eye on Sam to make sure she didn't sneak a phone-call in the bathroom.

"You look great", said Daniel sincerely, hoping to put Jack at ease.

"I hate this monkey suit"

"Then why didn't you were a tux?"

"That's just as bad"

"So, why'd you pick Dress Blues?" asked Daniel, confused by the fact that Jack was in his blues and Sam was (he knew) going to be in a dress. A simple wedding dress, maybe, but a dress none the less.

"Because it was cheaper than renting a tux. And... I dunno... it fits"

"Why, because you two are military?"

And the way Daniel's voice held a more-than-obvious note of disbelief reaffirmed that, sometimes, the scholar just didn't get the military thing. He didn't understand that, for Jack and Sam, the Air Force wasn't just a job; it was a way of life- a way of life they'd both lived longer than either was willing to admit. It ran in the blood, it was bred to the bone, and it was something they were not willing to dismiss just because they were now together, no matter how extraordinary that fact may be. As much as Jack hated his Dress Blues, he was drawn to them, and if it weren't for the fact Cassie had dragged her shopping, Sam would have been in hers too.

"Daniel", sighed Jack. "It's part of who we are"

"But this is your wedding"

"A wedding that wouldn't have happened if not for the Air Force. If not for the program..."

"... if not for the fact that you two got stranded and _broke the rules_", answered Daniel a little forcefully, refusing to give the military credit for something it, for lack of a better description, wanted to destroy. "Jacob will have his Dress Blues on, why do you have to?"

"Because we're an hour away from getting there and I don't think there's a tux rental around here", said Jack with bite, refusing to have this conversation the morning of the wedding, when he was all but ready to go.

"Well, I still think you should have left the military out of it", muttered Daniel, admitting that he wasn't going to win this one.

"Yeah, 'cause _that_ was gonna happen", muttered Jack, turning back to the door, his posture indicating he was getting more nervous the longer he had to wait. "I just hope Sam hasn't put up any of this crap"

-0-0-0-

"Oh, Sam, no, you have to do something with your hair"

"Cassie, leave her alone. Her hair is fine"

"But it's so _boring_"

"It's not boring, it's _me_"

"Well, I didn't mean it like that..."

Sam grinned at the embarrassed look on the teens' face as Janet put the last touches on her simple hairdo. It was half up, half down, with small diamante clips through it. Her veil would sit on top as a comb, looking as though it was half holding it up.

"At least I should be glad that it's even long enough to have something done to it"

"Oh, come on, my short hair wasn't _that_ bad"

"Are you kidding? You couldn't even put a hair-tie in!"

"Handy for the field though", said Sam, simply just to annoy her. Janet smirked as she walked back in front, her heels clicking on her kitchen tiles.

"I think you're done", she said with a smile.

Sam gave a nervous grin back and took a deep, shuddering breath. Cassie checked herself one last time in the hand-held mirror before placing it primly on the table and putting a hand on her hip. Though she was hardly young enough to be a flower-girl, Sam had worried about her being a bridesmaid, knowing Jack had only two groomsmen and Cassie was almost too young for it anyway. Janet had assured her that Cassie would be thrilled, and Sam had really wanted her to be a part of the wedding. Cassie didn't care that she didn't have a dance-partner ("I'll just dance by myself- who could keep up with me anyway?"). She just wanted to be in the wedding.

Sam's dress, as Janet had informed Daniel, was simple; an elegant white gown that had a simple beaded bodice and a slight flare from the hip. It was tasteful and beautiful, without making her look like a 'living cream-puff', her words. Sam loved it the moment she saw it, and knew that despite the fact they'd only been in two stores, it was the dress she was buying, which had caused massive outrage from camp Frasier, who insisted it had taken her at _least_ four stores to even decide on a style, and they were absolutely _not_ going to buy only the tenth dress she had tried on. They'd walked out twenty minutes later, dress in-hand.

Sam had decided to tell her father of her pregnancy before the wedding, though she hadn't told Janet that, and Jack had supported that decision because if her Dad was away for a while, it would be better that he knew, rather than come home to find her eight months pregnant. Plus, Sam secret liked the image in her head of her Dad, sitting in some remote part of the galaxy on one of his missions, thinking about the fact that he was going to be a Grandfather again, and arguing silently with Selmak over the best names, both Tau'ri and Tok'ra.

There was a knock at the door, quickly followed by a ring of the bell. Janet quickly answered it and Jacob followed her back into the kitchen, his eyes going wide when he saw Sam standing by the divider smoothing out non-existent creases in her dress.

"My God... you look..."

Sam blushed and ducked her head at the sentiment. Her father was not an emotional man- such words sounded foreign from his lips.

"Stunning. Just, beautiful"

"Thanks Dad", she said sheepishly.

"Well, come on you two, time to go", said Janet, gesturing down the hall as she turned her head towards the stairs. "Cassie! Come on, let's go, the car's leaving"

"I'm coming. I can't find my white handbag"

"You don't need a handbag, you can put your precious phone in mine", said Janet with an eye-roll. "Close the door when you decide to join us, we'll be in the car"

They heard scrambling from upstairs. As they walked down the garden path Jacob couldn't help but smirk at Janet's exasperated sigh and head-shake.

"Memmmm'riiiieeees", he crooned, earning himself a snort of indignation from Sam and a chuckle from Janet, who rolled her eyes at him in acknowledgement of the fact that he had once been in the same boat.

"Didn't take you for a _Cats _kinda guy, Sir", she said with a smirk of her own.

Jacob just smirked again, and gave Janet a look.

"I don't know what you two are talking about. _I _was an _angel_", said Sam primly, sliding gracefully into the back seat of the car as Cassie hurried out the door and shut it firmly behind her, working her way to the other back seat. Janet took the wheel and Jacob slid into the front passenger seat, scoffing as he went. "Oh yes... an _angel_"

From her place behind him, Sam nudged the back of Jacob's seat with her foot. Hard.

-0-0-0-

"Dad, can I have a quick word?"

Janet and Cassie kept walking, quickly going inside Jack's house to find an extension cord for the CD player. They still had a few minutes before anyone was expecting them out the back for the ceremony.

"What's up, kid?"

"I have something I need to tell you"

"Not having doubts, are ya?" he joked, but stopped when she didn't smile.

"No, no, nothing like that"

"Then what's up?"

"Dad... Jack and I... we're, ah..."

"Sam?"

"We're expecting"

There was a pause of silence where, for a moment, Jacob looked as though he was going to ask what the hell she was talking about. Then the penny dropped, and his eyes widened, looking from her eyes to her stomach and back.

"You mean...?"

"We're going to have a baby", said Sam, nodding, her head bent as though still waiting for him to start shouting. She continued talking, not giving him a chance to cut in just yet. "Now, I know we said we would wait and see, but... I dunno..."

"This wasn't planned, was it?"

"Not exactly"

Jacob watched as she placed a hand over her stomach, almost subconsciously, acknowledging the existence of something inside her and, in a way, demonstrating exactly where she stood on the matter.

"But...?"

"But, given we're getting married today, and my transfer came through-"

"Transfer?!"

Sam flinched at her father's tone.

"You _transferred_? What happened to the 'nothing in our careers has to change' speech you gave me?"

"We had some problems with a Senator, and-"

"A Senator?"

"Will you let me finish?!"

"Sorry"

"Anyway, we had the NID snooping around- the civilian overseers- and they're acting under the advice of Senator Kinsey- this weasel of a man who tried to get Jack court martialled for taking advantage of a junior officer-"

"I can see his point"

"Will you be serious?"

"Sorry"

Sam gave him an annoyed look.

"_Anyway_, as I was saying, we had him snooping around, which kind of lead to us getting engaged in the first place... we didn't want anyone coming along, trying to break us up and really, we wanted to anyway. So, this Senator wouldn't back off, so we decided- well, _I _decided- that the only way to really keep us safe was if one of us was officially off SG1, and given how invaluable Jack is, I transferred to the labs and was assigned to SG1 in a scientific research capacity"

Jacob took a moment to process, frowning a little. "So you're still on SG1?"

Sam nodded, her tension slowly draining. "Until the maternity leave. Maybe sooner"

"And then?"

"And then... we'll see"

"Sam", he sighed.

"Dad"

She took his hand, watching as his expression shifted- became sadder.

"I know", she said gently. "I don't know if I'll ever really rejoin SG1 after. I don't know if that will be the best thing, given..."

Jacob nodded, looking as though he was lost in a sea of memories and regrets. "Just... promise me..."

He paused, as though not sure which promise he wanted her to make the most.

"What, Dad?"

"Promise you won't make the same mistake I did", he whispered.

Sam pulled him to her fiercely, throwing her arms around his neck and back, and felt his arms embrace her in return.

"It wasn't your fault, Dad"

"Just promise"

"I promise", she whispered, gripping him tighter. "I promise"

They stayed that way for a while, Sam desperately pushing back tears, determined that she would not think about the bad times today. About the person who wasn't there.

She wanted her mother so badly. It had been a painful reminder- choosing her dress, putting on her make-up, doing her hair- that her mother would not be there to see her daughter do these things and that, if something were to happen to Sam off-world, her child would be the same.

"Hey you two", called Janet softly. "It's time"

They pulled way, both reigning in their emotions and giving reassuring smiles to each other.

"This is it, kid. The start of the rest of your life"

"Oh God", groaned Sam. "Did you pull that out of one of your cheesy books?"

"A movie actually, though for the life of me I can't remember which one"

Sam grinned and kissed her father just before they rounded the house. Janet gave Sam's arm a squeeze and signalled to Cassie to start the music, while Sam's sister-in-law was standing with Janet who had obviously found her waiting inside the house.

Just before they came into view, Sam stopped them short and threw one arm around Jacob's neck, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I love you Dad", she whispered.

"I love you kiddo"

They both turned and he took hold of her hand, squeezing it tightly.

-0-0-0-

"The place looks great", said Daniel quietly as they waited at the end of the aisle that was fashioned with garden chairs.

"Yeah"

"And everyone's here so far, no unexpected guests... no surprises"

"Yep"

"You gonna say more than that?"

"Nope"

"You nervous still?"

"Yep"

Daniel smirked at him and pushed his glasses up his nose, though he really didn't need to. As far as he knew- and let's face it, when it came to weddings, not much- nerves were a good thing. Didn't every couple who had been together forever talk about how gut-wrenchingly, eye-poppingly sick to their stomach they'd been? Daniel decided he wouldn't mention that though to Jack just yet. Maybe later.

Jack looked over the faces of the people who had come, hoping to make the seconds go faster. Most of the SG team leaders- the ones that had been there long enough for Jack to have had drinks with them or congratulated them for the birth of a child- had fronted in their Blues. Mark and the kids were in the front row, watching Jack as though still unsure about the whole thing. He knew Sam had spoken to Mark- had explained as best she could that while she'd been MIA, they'd grown closer than just colleagues. Still, Jack expected a little scepticism from camp Carter. After all, his sister was missing for almost a year and nobody would tell him where she was or what she'd been doing. Not to mention his father was constantly away and neither of them was contactable during regular hours. And that ordinarily the two were sticklers for the rules, but apparently not in this case. A little scepticism was to be expected, Jack thought.

On his side there was his cousin- a guy he hadn't seen since Charlie's funeral but had been close enough to as a kid to invite him along- and one General Hardy who, in the early days, had pulled Jack's ass out of the fire and shown him the ropes when they'd been a lowly Colonel and Captain respectively. He owed the guy at _least_ a wedding invite, and when Hardy had seen the picture of Sam on the mantle- dressed as she was in her BDU's, her arm playfully around Daniel beside some campfire that looked enough like Earth to be allowed off-base- he'd slapped Jack on the back and told him it could only go downhill once the perfect girl decided to marry you. That was just the kind of guy he was- married almost forty years and still making cracks about pretty women ("_Especially_ the ones in uniform"). Hardy had known Sara, had met Charlie a few times over the years, as was expected when you were friends with your people. Had been at the funeral, somewhere in the back, and looked on as Jack stood next to his then-wife, touching but not connecting. He knew that for Jack, this second chance was a God-given miracle. He didn't yet know about the baby. Other than Jacob, Janet and Hammond, they weren't telling anyone until they were in the clear. Life was just too unpredictable for SG1 to start letting Murphy enact his law at any given opportunity.

Jack was pulled from his thoughts by his portable stereo, which cracked to life where Cassie stood, poised and ready to take the lead down the aisle. A song Jack didn't really know flittered through- not any sort of wedding march or classical piece, but gentle enough to fit the occasion. Sam's choice probably, perhaps with the help of Janet and her never-ending CD collection, and a more-than-subtle nudge from Cassie. The guests all stood, and Mark threw a quick wink at Jack. _Good luck._

Oh, if only he knew SG1's luck.

Daniel took another quick glance, watching as Jack's fist clenched and unclenched, as though he were waiting impatiently to start shooting bad-guys. It was his only tell.

Cassie started walking, Janet following close behind her, both of them coming from around the corner. Julie, Sam's sister-in-law, came next, smiling when her husband gave her a thumbs-up as encouragement.

Suddenly Sam appeared, with Jacob dressed in his Blues, his hand holding hers as though he didn't want to let her go. They started walking slowly down the aisle, not quite as slow as most, but slow enough that every second felt like an hour. Daniel watched as, somehow, every feeling of doubt drained from Jack's body as he watched her come closer. Jacob could see it too, judging from the smirk planted firmly on his face. Janet gave the best man a subtle wink as she settled herself at the front and Teal'c- standing quietly as always- watched on as the ceremony began. He caught Jacob's eye and gave a small incline of his head out of respect.

When they reached the priest, Sam and Jacob turned to each other.

"I'm so proud of you, kiddo", he whispered, squeezing her hands, his eyes flicking to her stomach to acknowledge what else he was proud of but couldn't yet mention.

"Thanks Dad"

She turned to Jack and blushed- actually blushed- at his expression.

"You look beautiful", Jack whispered to her, making her bite her lip and duck her head.

Jacob took his seat next to Mark, who nudged his shoulder in acknowledgement. Jacob grinned back.

"Dearly beloved..."

Jack really wasn't listening to the priest, but he knew the basics. He was too busy thinking... and listening to his own heartbeat... and wondering if his hands were sweating. And did he remember to pack his toothbrush for Edora, because their alternative was so not worth it. And a razor! He'd have to check for one of those before they left.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when the priest looked at him expectantly, and he realised it was his time to speak. Sam was smirking next to him, and Jack took that as a sign that she really did know him that well to not take offense at his seemingly hesitant pause.

"I, ah... I do", he fumbled, and heard people chuckling. Those who knew him almost as well. He was sure there were a few glaring at his back.

Jack watched Sam try to fight laughter at his bewildered expression. Before he knew it, she had lifted her head and was looking in his eyes intently.

"I do", she said, so softly it could have been a whisper. From behind him he heard Daniel mutter 'yes', and saw Janet smile out the corner of his eye from where she stood behind Sam.

But mostly what he saw was Sam's eyes slipping closed in the moment before he kissed her- before the priest could even give permission.

Of course, they hadn't got permission for anything else, so why start now?

He felt Sam smile against his lips as he wrapped his arms around her, and took a decent amount of satisfaction from hearing the squeak she emitted when he spun her and dipped her back, her arms around his neck and back. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, he made Sam Carter squeak in front of all these people, and he liked it.

Vaguely he registered that a few people cheered. Probably all those gung-ho officers who only knew him as the sarcastic yet enigmatic leader.

They both came up smiling, and Jack heard the sound of a few cameras clicking. Cassie whistled loudly, and Jack sent a wink her way because he loved that kid's enthusiasm. Even Mark, who had seemed sceptical the few times they'd met, was clapping, and raised his hands to them both, giving Jack a smile. Mark may not know the man well, but he knew enough to know Jack adored his sister. No former black-ops Colonel would be so damn sentimental if he didn't.

-0-0-0-

"I love you"

Jack grinned, closing the car door behind him. Daniel was driving, Teal'c his front-seat passenger, and Sam and Jack were in the back together.

"Really, do you now?"

"Yep. I do"

"Yeah, funny you should mention that, because I vaguely remember feeling the same way"

"Do you now?" she mimicked, desperately failing to keep the smirk off her face.

"Yeah"

"Hmm, well, isn't it a good thing we got married, then?"

"Oh, and why is that?"

"Because now we get to say it whenever the fuck we want, and nobody can tell us off"

Daniel snorted from the front seat, both from hearing Sam swear- a habit she refrained from as much as possible while off-world- and from the implication that they had somehow held back their feelings for the sake of other people. In his opinion- one he'd shared with Jack one drunken night- the only reason they hadn't got together before Edora was because they were first friends, and then too chicken to admit they felt anything. Not, as most would say, because they really loved the regs _that much_. This coming from a man who had never actually _read _the regs, but had assumed- somewhat correctly- that there were some serious loop-holes to be exploited by anyone willing to do so.

"And what are you laughing at, Danny-boy?"

"I'm laughing at you two... and at the fact that you say that now, but as soon as we get to that base you'll go back to how you were before"

"And just how were we before?" asked Sam, raising her eyebrow to him in the rear-view mirror.

"Teal'c", gestured Daniel, giving his friend the floor.

"I believe DanielJackson is referring to the palpable sexual tension and obvious secretive looks between the two of you while performing your military duties, Major Carter"

Jack burst out laughing at hearing the words 'palpable sexual tension' from Teal'c's mouth, while Sam could only sit there with her mouth slightly open, trying desperately to come up with a counter-argument to his valid yet somehow rather embarrassing point.

"Teal'c, we gotta keep you away from the beer. All that alcohol is going to your head", said Sam with humour.

"I know not of which you speak, Major Carter, I have consumed no distilled or fermented liquor"

"Booze, Teal'c", said Jack, patting him on the shoulder. "Booze"

Sam snorted into his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her.

-0-0-0-

"Hey you two, come over here and join us ", called Cassie, pulling Sam and Jack from their private moment. They'd been staring at each other for at least two minutes from where they stood in front of the Stargate, following a comment about the vows ring almost eerily true for them. The whole 'in sickness and health, 'till death do us part' thing really meant something when you lived in combat, walking every day into the unknown, coming home with disease and being invaded by the aliens without warning. Most people said the vows in earnest, without ever really expecting that one day they may have to jump in front of a bullet or battle an army to maintain that bond. Most people had, thankfully, never been faced with the decision to put a military operation above their spouse- to weigh the responsibility of saving the earth against the need to save just one person. For most people, the vows were there as a theoretical show of eternal loyalty, not a truthful admission of past and present, almost every-day dangers. They should have changed them, or rewritten them, though how they'd explain that to the priest they'd never know- 'through battles and captivity, in invasion and threshold situations, 'till a sarcophagus can no longer revive us and the goa'uld keep us locked apart, I do'.

Jack turned from Sam, his hand going to the small of her back. They walked side by side over to the group of friends that had come to be like family, the five of them standing in a circle by the ramp of the gate. There were two small suitcases at the foot of the ramp, ready to go, and Jacob was to be going with them to Edora before departing for the Tok'ra homeworld from there.

"Wassup?" asked Jack as he walked over, putting a hand in his pocket as he went.

"We wanted to get a picture of SG1 today", said Cassie, holding up her camera.

"Okay. Cool"

SG1 arranged themselves in front of the ramp, the Stargate behind them framing the group.

"Smile", said Cassie, clicking the photo. "Awesome, that looked great"

"Okay, now the bride and groom", said Daniel, steeping out of the frame.

Sam grinned and ducked her head as Jack rolled his eyes. He sat at the base of the ramp as though defying the request, before suddenly pulling Sam into his lap, making her squeal and scrunch her nose to hold in the giggles. Unbeknown to the two, Cassie had snapped a picture of the scene, and was grinning wickedly when she again declared that they smile as she took another. From her place on Jack's knee Sam turned to face him and planted a kiss on his cheek, then gestured with her head to the door and pinched some of the fabric of her dress. Jack nodded. They were going soon, and they didn't want to leave in their current attire.

"We're just gonna go get changed before we leave", said Jack as they stood hand in hand.

"Okay", nodded Daniel from where he stood with the group. Teal'c inclined his head to show he too had heard which was good because Daniel was prone to forgetting things that he'd been told when he was as engrossed in a conversation.

Jack acknowledged Hammond as he walked past and they exited the 'gate room together, both heading to their shared quarters to change.

"Colonel"

They both froze.

"I was wondering where my invitation was, but I suppose it must have got lost in the mail"

Jack spun around, his expression cold. Sam did too, biting the inside of her cheek to stop from saying anything.

"What the hell are you doing here, Kinsey?"

"Why, I've come to pay my respects to the happy couple, of course. What else?"

"You're not welcome", said Jack lowly.

"Oh, come now, Colonel, don't be like that. Here, I even got you a punch bowl"

"Already got one of those, thanks"

"Oh, I know. Actually, you got _this_ one. I took it from your mantle, I hope you don't mind. No point giving you a gift you've already got, so I re-gifted something from your house. You know, Colonel, you really need to lock your door more often, anyone could-"

"You are a real piece of work, Kinsey", said Jack, cutting him off as he started towards him.

"Jack, no", said Sam, grabbing his arm and putting herself slightly between them, holding him back a little, her voice low. "He's not worth it. Stop"

Kinsey smirked at the scene, his expression menacing.

"I see this domestic life is working out for you", he said sarcastically.

"Go to hell, Kinsey", bit Sam, throwing him a look over her shoulder.

"I should remind you who you're talking to, Major, but you obviously have no sense of propriety", he replied, giving a pointed look between the two of them.

This time Jack held her back, his arm going around her waist to stop her from lunging at Kinsey.

"So, I hear you two are no longer within the same chain of command. Shame that Major Carter's career had to suffer. Or is it O'Neill now?"

"Major Carter..." said Sam primly "...can make decisions all on her own, thank you very much, and you would do well to-"

"Get off my base"

All eyes turned and looked down the corridor to where Hammond, Daniel and Teal'c were standing. Hammond gave Jack and Sam a warning look to behave themselves, and turned back to Kinsey.

"General, I was just congratulating the happy couple-"

"You have no jurisdiction over this base while no military operations are running, and given the base is on full stand-down for today, that would make my previous comment an order, not a suggestion. You will escort yourself to the surface immediately, or face charges for disobeying the direct orders of a base commander. And I would love to see you in court, Kinsey, so just give me one reason, and so help me God, I'll get you there"

Kinsey all but snarled, but he turned and walked down the corridor anyway, disappearing in the direction of the elevators.

"What'd he want this time?" asked Daniel.

"To let me know he's been inside my house without me knowing", said Jack, holding up the punch bowl that the Senator had thrust into his hands on his way out.

"Cause that's not creepy", muttered Daniel, brows furrowed.

"I'll send a couple of techs over there today to sweep the place", said Hammond.

"Thanks"

"Meanwhile, you two have a 'gate to catch"

"Yes Sir. Just have to get changed, and we'll be ready to go", said Sam.

Sam and Jack continued down the corridor side-by-side. They reached their quarters and walked in together, and once the door had closed Jack spun them around and pinned her to it, holding her head in his hands as he kissed her hard. Sam responded.

"Do you know what would have been the sexiest thing on this planet?" he whispered huskily against her lips between teasing nips.

"What?"

"If I'd have let you kick his ass"

Sam chuckled as his lips crashed on hers again, and moaned when he ran one hand down to rest on her hipbone.

"Just a few more hours", she whispered against his mouth.

"Too long'

"They're waiting for us"

"Let 'em wait"

"Jack", she admonished, lightly pushing him off her, though she really didn't want to. "We have to go"

He kissed her again, pouting for effect as he moved away and started disposing of his Dress Blues.

"You're no fun"

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest, pressing her body to his back as she kissed his neck.

"Give it a couple of hours, and I'll show you how much fun I can be", she said huskily.

Jack groaned. "So not fair play"

"Everything is fair play", she replied, kissing his neck again before stepping away to take her dress off.

"God I love when you get like this"

"Just wait 'till the five-month mark", she said with a quirk of her eyebrow and a duck of her head. "I've heard it's exhausting"

"Ten points, Bean"

He heard her chuckle as she closed the bathroom door behind her, putting some distance between them so they didn't have to face the torture of seeing each other undress. Once the remnants of the commander-subordinate mentality had left their bedroom, he had discovered she was far from shy. Somehow that made sense to him, just like the quirky humour and occasional bouts of extreme femininity. There was much more to Samantha Carter-O'Neill than he'd ever realised, and he was proud to be the one to peel back the layers of the onion. Now if only he could peel back the layers of other things and be rid of this tension he'd been feeling for hours. 'Only another hour to go, Jack. Just get to Edora, see Dad off, and she's all yours'. He was in so much trouble, he decided. So much trouble. And was it sick that he loved every minute of said trouble? He didn't think so.

God bless honeymoons.

-0-0-0-

_What'cha think? Too corny? _


	6. Forget Me Not

_I decided I wouldn't write the honeymoon stuff, mainly because you guys have great imaginations, and because we've already seen what they're like on Edora, so there's no need to re-write it (ref to entire 100 Days of Night). _

_This chapter takes place about two months after the previous chapter. This chapter was inspired by both the included poem and the song "Last Day on Earth" by Kate Miller-Heidke. Amazingly sad song. _

_I hope you enjoy._

_-0-0-0-_

_Remember me when I am gone away,_

_Gone far away into the silent land;_

_...__  
__Remember me when no more day by day_

_You tell me of our future that you plann'd:_

_..._

_Yet if you should forget me for a while_

_And afterwards remember, do not grieve;_

_..._

_Better by far that you should forget and smile_

_Than that you should remember and be sad._

_-Christina Rossetti, 'Remember', 1849 _

_-0-0-0-0-0-0-_

The first thing she noticed was that it was cold, and the floor was slightly damp, and God damn it, her left leg was cramping something fierce. It took only another moment for her to realise that this was not how she should be feeling. She didn't know how she _should _be feeling, but this wasn't it. It didn't feel right. She needed to sit up- to see where she was. Only, her eyes were already open, and she could see nothing. Absolutely nothing. Before she could utter a sound, think another thought, the darkness in her head crept up on her, and she once again succumbed to the blissful state of unconsciousness.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Unexpected offworld activation"

General Hammond stood behind Walter. "Who is it?"

"Receiving IDC. It's SG1, Sir"

"Open the iris", commanded the General, though the iris was already being opened.

Jack O'Neill came running through the gate, Daniel and Teal'c right behind him.

"Close the iris", yelled O'Neill.

The iris slid shut behind them. Hammond leaned into the intercom.

"Colonel O'Neill, where's Major Carter?"

Jack just shook his head, a mixture of anguish and fury playing across his features as he paced like a wild animal at the foot of the ramp, looking at the gate as though wishing her to walk through it. His hand was scrubbing through his hair, as though unsure of where else it should be. Daniel was standing still, watching their commander without really seeing him. It was Teal'c who answered.

"Major Carter is missing, General Hammond"

"What do you mean 'missing'?"

"She was not at our camp when we woke. Her belongings were left behind; however there was no trace of Major Carter. We could find no evidence that she had been taken from the camp by force, nor were there any tracks to indicate the direction in which she went. All efforts to track her whereabouts proved futile. We were forced to abandon the search when it became obvious we were making no progress"

"What are you saying?" asked Hammond.

"She is, as you would say, missing-in-action"

Jack let out a frustrated cry as he slammed his heal into the rail of the ramp with all his strength. Daniel flinched at the sound it made, his eyes watering. Teal'c, stoic as ever, was visibly upset to those who knew him well enough. It didn't need to be said. They had failed. They had let down a teammate. They had let down Sam.

They lost her.

-0-0-0-0-0-

When she woke again it was light. She could see that she was in a room made of large stones, and that it was damp, and somewhere in the back of her mind ran the word 'basement'. What was a basement?

There was a single metal door on the other side of the room, rusted, and it looked heavy, so no doubt it was somehow reinforced.

She sat up, relieved to find her leg had stopped cramping sometime since she last woke. Her hands, though, were stuck behind her back. She pulled them, and heard the rattle of chains, the feeling of shackles. Her head felt cloudy, her eyes slightly out of focus. There was a small window- barely a slit- at the top of her room, letting in the faintest of light from outside. Sun? Moon? What time was it?

There was no sound in her room except the unmistakable drip of water somewhere and the shallow wheezing of her breath as she struggled to remain calm.

And her heartbeat in her ears.

Who was she? Why was she here?

She looked at her clothes. They were a bit muddy, but she was wearing a black long-sleeve top and pants that were a few shades of green, all in splodges, a random pattern. What for? Fashion? No, that wasn't right- they didn't look particularly flattering, though they were comfortable. A festival? No, they weren't very festive clothes, really. Perhaps camouflage? Yes, that sounded right. To hide in the shrubs or the bushes. But from who? Who would she need to hide from? And why?

'_Carter, go, get to the tree line, take cover'_

A memory, distant, a long time ago. Or perhaps not. Not recent, though. She knew that it wasn't recent.

But how could she know that?

Carter. Was that her name? A rank, maybe? A salutation? She didn't know.

"Carter", she whispered, trying it on her tongue. It sounded familiar, and safe. It worked in her mouth, as though she'd said it a million times before. A feeling from somewhere in her chest made her feel... better, somehow. It must be her name, or something similar.

She played the memory in her head again- her only connection to who she was. _'Carter...', 'Carter...' _The way he said it made her feel strong. Made her feel capable. And that voice. It was so familiar. So comforting. She felt her chest swell as she remembered that voice, and she imagined that it was the same feeling as walking into a room with a smell that you know and love, but can't place. The smell of a grandmother's kitchen. Or a father's study.

As though her heart remembered something that her head did not.

She looked around her room again, at the bare stone walls and the rusting metal door and the tiny, unreachable window. There was nothing new to be learned from the room. She looked instead to herself. She now knew what she was wearing, noticed for the first time the solid boots, the feel of a supportive breast-band underneath. Perhaps she was an athlete? Her legs felt strong enough for it, and she could feel an underlying strength within her lithe limbs. Perhaps a hunter? Her arms could support the weight of a hunting weapon, she knew.

But neither of these seemed to fit just right. The ideas didn't give her any jolt of recognition when they came to her, nor inspired her very much at all.

She shifted, and against the skin of her neck she felt cold metal. She noticed for the first time there was something hanging against her chest, just between her breasts, hidden by her top. They were round. There was two of them. She had to get her hands in front.

Sitting on the edge of the stone bench behind her, she leant forward and shuffled her hands under her backside, shifting and wiggling until they were under her knees. Lifting one leg at a time she managed to pull them through the loop of her arms and get her hands in front of her. She rested them on her stomach, lightly rubbing her red wrists.

And noticed for the first time the beginnings of a bulge there. How had she not seen that before? Her top was too loose, perhaps. Or she just wasn't looking.

Was she with child? Was she to be a mother?

A stirring of fear erupted in her chest. She shouldn't be here if she was to be a mother. She needed to go somewhere warmer, safer, for her and the baby. And what of the child's father?

She clasped her hands over her stomach protectively.

'_Hey, little Bean'_

Another memory. Her voice. She was sitting as she was now, only it was brighter, warmer, safer. She called it Bean. Why? Was that a common name where she was from?

"Hey little Bean", she said softly to her stomach. It felt nice to say it. Comforting. She wasn't alone here, wherever here was, and she had a good reason to search for the truth.

She dug under her top and pulled out the metal objects. They were on a chain. Two rings. One had a small stone and the other was a plain band of silver. Upon closer inspection it had writing on the inside.

_Usquequaque in meus pectus pectoris_

What did that mean? It wasn't a language she recognised. It wasn't her language, but the symbols looked familiar. Jumbled somehow, like they were the right symbols in the wrong order. She whispered the phrase out loud, hoping to make more sense of it the way her other memories made more sense when they were released into the cold air of the empty room. A feeling that she'd done it before- fumbled over the unfamiliar words in another life- ran over her. Another memory, distant, but there.

"_Jack, what does it mean?"_

Who was Jack? The one who gave her these rings? The father of her child, if that was what was within her? He must be. Who else?

"Jack", she said out-loud. The name, like Carter, made her feel safe. Loved. She liked to say that name. He must be her mate... her... husband? Was that the word? Whoever he was, he had given her these rings with the strange engravings, and she loved him for it. She loved him. She knew at least that much.

She said the name again. "Jack". She felt the same feeling again- a feeling of being wanted. Of wanting.

She was a mother, a wife to somebody. A soldier? Perhaps she was a soldier... someone must be looking for her, then.

How would they find her?

Where was she?

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"What happened?" asked Hammond, keeping a close eye on Jack as he stood motionless, staring out the window towards the 'gate.

"We had taken turns for watch", started Teal'c. "Major Carter was to take last watch. She relieved me at the appropriate time. Two hours later I exited my tent to find Major Carter gone. I alerted Colonel O'Neill and DanielJackson, and we began to look for Major Carter. When she could not be found we returned"

"Did you see anything?" asked Hammond, again stealing a glance towards Jack.

"I did not. There were no tracks to speak of, except those that we had all made when going behind a tree to relieve ourselves and the tracks we made when making camp. There were also no signs of a struggle"

"Doctor, did you find any hint of civilisation? And sigh of who might have done this?"

"We didn't get that far, General. We were headed to what looked like ruins on top of the mountain, but as far as I could tell, there hadn't been a civilisation on that planet in hundreds of years"

Hammond sighed and looked down to his hands that were clasped tightly on top of the table. Daniel took his glasses off solemnly and rubbed his eyes, seeking out Teal'c's knowing gaze. Jack didn't move.

It was possibly more terrifying that watching him have a breakdown.

Hammond stood, addressing the group.

"SG-1... as much as I would like-"

"General"

The Colonel's voice was monotonous and loud in the wake of his silence; cold and distant and definitely insubordinate in the way it carried across the room with an authority that somehow went beyond all of them. Without turning from the window, Jack's expression turned to that of the man only Daniel recognised- a man on the brink, readying himself to die, capable of doing just about anything and more than willing to give it a go.

"If you so much as suggest that there will be no official military action to find Carter, I will find myself forced into a position you and I will regret"

"Colonel, is that a threat-"

"I will be forced..." said Jack over him, his tone unchanged. "... to use the Stargate to travel back to the planet, and I will do so by _any_ means necessary. If you insist on stopping me or preventing me from carrying out this mission, I will use all force I possess to ensure my escape and complete my mission, and I assure you General, only a hail of bullets will stop me"

"Colonel O'Neill-"

"Your other option, General, would be to grant me permission to lead a search party, however small that party may be, back to the planet to begin the search. I will go alone if necessary, and complete this mission unaccompanied and without support"

He turned to the General, and Daniel felt a chill run up his spine at the look in his eye. His face was the picture of stony indifference, and the look so shocked the General that he couldn't even take advantage of Jack's pause to begin his reprimand.

"But I will not return without Major Carter"

And Daniel knew that Jack's last statement was not just a pledge of his allegiance, but a promise. If Sam was to be found, he would bring her back. If she was lost for good, then the image of Jack O'Neill stepping through that gate would be their last of him.

General Hammond stared at Jack for so long that Daniel was almost going to excuse himself. Jack, for all his unresponsiveness, seemed to sense the moment the General made up his mind, if his tensed shoulders were an indicator of anything.

"I am in half a mind to throw you in the hole for your suggestion, Colonel"

Jack didn't move a muscle.

"However, I can't deny that some of the blame for this situation rests on my shoulders, as your Commanding Officer. I therefore give you permission to begin a rescue mission. You may take SG-1 with you"

Hammond sighed and sat back down.

"I don't know what you're expecting to find, Jack"

_If you didn't come back with her the first time, what hope is there?_ He seemed to be asking.

"I'll inform our allies of the situation"

Jack nodded minutely.

"You can leave immediately. You have two days"

Jack's shoulders tensed again, his face hardening, his knuckles going that much whiter.

"If you haven't found Major Carter by then, I expect you to report back to this command"

And the look he gave Jack was as much an apology as it was an empty order. If they didn't find her in two days, Jack wouldn't be coming back. They'd never find him. There'd be nothing left to find.

-0-0-0-0-0-

When she woke on what seemed to be the second day of her captivity, Sam- because after a particularly vivid dream involving that _Jack_, she now knew her common name was Sam- heard voices outside her door. She didn't know whether to be terrified or overjoyed that there was other people here- were they friend or foe? Obviously if they intended to kill her they would not have put her in this cell, but who knew what they would do to her in place of murder.

Her fears were unaddressed. They never opened the door. All she managed to get from their muffled conversation was _'...until the foetus is of an appropriate age to deliver'_ and _'...we'll keep her here, then send her back after. We'll have what we need'_

Needless to say, neither comment made her feel any better. In fact, if the churning in her stomach meant anything, she had a gut feeling that her life was going to get much less cheery than her small cell very soon.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

When the three men got back to the planet they didn't bother to search the area they had camped in. Five hours searching turned up nothing in the area except things they'd expect to find. Daniel watched as Jack transformed before his eyes, his back straightening, his knees bending. Suddenly a trained hunter stood where his friend once was, and it scared him.

Jack payed virtually no attention to the two behind him as he silently made his way through the forest, eyes alert and focussed.

They walked for at least an hour, retracing their footsteps in the dirt to the campsite they had set up only the day before. Suddenly Jack stopped and approached one branch. Daniel didn't pick it up at first, but when Teal'c leaned in closer he saw what Jack saw- the branch was snapped in half, something from above coming down with enough force to leave it hanging. Daniel realised what it was a moment later, and knew that the only reason they hadn't brought it up before was because from the path it looked as though the branch was simply bent.

"Someone had struggled in this area", observed Teal'c, lowering himself to a crouch to better see the ground. "O'Neill"

Jack bent down himself, and looked to where the Jaffa was pointing. Just below the branch, half hidden by overhanging leaves, was another broken branch, this one big enough to be held and, Jack realised, to use as a broom of sorts. Looking back at the ground that bared only their footprints, he could see a pattern in the dirt. It was supposed to be random, but it was there now that he was looking for it. The dirt was brushed back in sweeping motions, the occasional pat-down with leaves giving it the look of untrodden ground.

"She was taken this way", said Jack, his voice stone cold.

"It appears they knew how to cover their tracks well. Neither you nor I picked these in our earlier search"

"Thank you Teal'c", replied Jack, thankful that his friend knew him well enough to not take his sarcasm to heart.

"So, they could have taken her through the Stargate", said Daniel.

"Maybe. In which case she could be anywhere", said Jack, not looking at Daniel, but instead seeking out the other tiny clues along their path that showed someone other than themselves had been there.

Jack fingered another branch, one twig showing minimal damage. The green of the twig told him that it should not have broken. SG-1 was careful not to inflict too much damage on any place, just in case an enemy wanted to track them. Jack knew that these people were too organised in their capture to not have taken the same precaution.

He turned and looked back at the small distance between where Teal'c stood next to the first clue and to where he stood next to the second, Daniel somewhere in the middle as though unsure how he could help. "Sam struggled", he said, catching the point of their observations.

Teal'c inclined his head to both acknowledge the claim and support it.

"It would appear these branches have been broken quite deliberately. I do not believe they could have been damaged by people merely walking through this area. Nor would Major Carter's captors have been so careless"

"Which means she was conscious when they took her", said Jack.

"Major Carter may yet be able to bring herself home"

"Only if she can escape wherever they put her"

Teal'c inclined his head again and continued to look around.

"But if they used the Stargate", started Daniel, afraid of the thought in his head. "She could be anywhere"

The way in which Jack refused to even acknowledge that he'd spoken sent a chill up Daniel's back, and not for the first time he remembered that there was another side to Jack O'Neill that he very rarely saw.

-0-0-0-0-0-

When she awoke again it was just starting to get dark and she was shivering.

Every time she closed her eyes she saw a new image, a familiar face, but she couldn't seem to make the pieces fit, and each new piece triggered another and another, until she was left with an entire puzzle to put together and no edge-pieces to help her get started. Each face was nameless, each place new and yet not, and every time she failed herself she felt broken. Her only comfort was the knowledge that Jack was out there looking for her, whoever he was, and he would find her and their child. She knew it with all her heart, though she couldn't say why she knew. Again, her heart was telling her head things it should already know, and that frustrated her beyond belief because something told her she was always good at figuring things out with her head.

The child growing within her was her only connection to her other life- the one she couldn't quite remember- and the rings felt comforting against the skin of her chest, though she still didn't know what they said. She felt safe in the knowledge that there must be someone out there looking for her, and she felt loved every time she stroked the slight bulge of her belly, knowing that she had created this 'Bean' with someone and the child was counting on her.

But more than anything she was scared.

How could she expect anyone to find her when she didn't even really know who she was or why she was here?

"We'll be okay, Bean", she said, caressing her stomach lightly. "I'll get us out of this"

Sam lay down on the bench of her cell and folded herself into a ball, her head resting on one arm and the other resting over her stomach. She feared to sleep- not all her dreams and memories had been pleasant- but the more clues she had, the more likely she was to figure out who she was or what her captors may want.

And just before sleep took her once again, she whispered his name- _"Jack"- _hoping that somehow, somewhere, he was listening for it.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

_Translation of _Usquequaque in meus pectus pectoris_: _Always in my heart_ (or always upon my heart, if you wanna get really picky about Latin translations. I think you get the general idea.)_

_Okay, so... whatcha think? Let me know. This little story line will probably be a few chapters long. I'm thinking three, maybe four, depending on how much I write. Do you like it so far? Too much, not enough?_


	7. Heavy Cross

_Thank you to those who leave feedback- I love to hear what you think!_

_If you haven't already, please do... don't lurk in the background unnoticed- jump up and shout your opinion- even if it's criticism- I can take the truth. (If you really wanna stay anonymous, you could leave a review as a non-person... it's not like I could write back to abuse you for it- just saying... =D... not that I'm encouraging it. I'm simply reminding you of one possibility...)_

_Anyway, enough of my desperate ramblings. I'm hopped up on Codral, I have two major assignments due this week that I have yet to finish, and I've been working crazy shifts... all in all, just glad this chapter somehow got written! =D_

_Enjoy..._

_**Two Months Later...**_

_**-0-0-0-**_

Jacob Carter was not a man comfortable with cloak-and-dagger games.

In his entire career, he'd never been heavily involved in the missions that made his son-in-law a valuable SGC asset, and he'd always made a point of ensuring every person above him in the chain of command knew what was going on. So walking through the gate to Edora for secret meetings with Jack O'Neill was not exactly his cup of tea.

Unfortunately it was one of the few places in the galaxy that they both knew and trusted. Neither of their organisations had any jurisdiction on the planet, and they knew that the locals could be trusted to not say anything about the weekly meetings that were conducted at the foot of the 'gate.

Jacob Carter was also a man who was not used to seeing Jack O'Neill is his current state. The man hadn't shaved recently, his clothes were dirty and ripped and his hair had grown enough that it had lost its military appearance. All in all, Jack O'Neill was a man in serious need of running water and soap.

But what Jacob noticed most was that, with each passing week, the darkness in his eyes seemed to grow, and each new visit gave Jacob enough insight that he now knew how the humorous man he met years ago could have joined that fateful first mission to Abydos. Jack was changing with time. The longer she was out there- the more times he heard that the Tok'ra knew nothing- the more he seemed to slip into a world that Jacob knew very little about.

And it scared him because, if they ever did find Sam- a possibility that diminished more with each passing day- there might be nothing left for her to come home to.

Jack O'Neill was a changed man. There was no denying it, and there was very little that Jacob could do to stop it.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Samantha Carter, U.S Major and resident genius child of the SGC, was certain of one thing.

Rescue was not coming.

In the months since her capture she had regained most of her memories, thanks in part to a kindly middle-aged woman named Bricena who seemed to be her obstetrician or midwife. The woman had explained that the drug given to her was never intended to be permanent, and though Sam regained them faster than most, it was designed to wipe her memory for a number of weeks. _Just_ _long enough that you needed to rely on us, and hopefully long enough that your people will stop looking for you._

The woman had told her this while handing her keys to her shackles and her missing dog tags.

The tiny pieces of metal hadn't told her anything she didn't already remember. Her dreams and memories had finally started clicking into place after the first week, and with each new revelation came a new-found sense of hope.

Jack O'Neill didn't leave people behind.

But as the child inside her grew and it got closer to her due date, Sam was starting to wonder just how much longer she could be expected to wait.

She didn't remember a great deal about that first week, but there was something that stuck in her mind- there had been two men outside her cell door discussing what there were going to do with her. Their conversation, at the time, had been meaningless, but as her memories resurfaced and her mind worked to fit the pieces together, she had a feeling she now knew what they meant.

'_...until the foetus is of an appropriate age to deliver'_

'_...we'll keep her here, then send her back after. We'll have what we need'_

They wanted her child, and once they had it- _her_- there would be no good reason to keep Sam around. The gender of her baby had remained a mystery for a number of weeks, locked in the back of her mind, though she had dreamed of discussing with Jack whether or not to find out. In the end it had been a memory of name-picking that had clued her in.

All of their options had been girl's names, and Sam knew then that her child- her Bean- was a little girl.

And for a reason she couldn't yet understand, her captors wanted her.

-0-0-0-0-0-

"Anything?" asked Jack shortly, holstering the zat gun Jacob had given him the moment he'd gone AWOL.

"Nothing. I've got my people keeping an ear out, but so far there has been no information about a pregnant human female out there. No Tau'ri, no suspicious captives"

Jack nodded, and his lack of emotion told Jacob he was getting too used to hearing the same thing every week. He'd been traipsing the galaxy looking for clues, calling in on allies such as the Tollan and the Nox for any assistance they'd be willing to give. All he'd got so far was a handful of gate addresses, and a few more from those, and so the cycle of wandering continued with no luck. Only a few of the world's had been occupied by hostiles, and even then, Jack had managed to go relatively undetected. He'd been hoping for information from the Tok'ra, spread as they were across the galaxy, but so far Jacob and Selmak were yet to bring him any information that didn't send him to some dead-end planet. Jack knew via Jacob that Earth hadn't had any success either- he was officially operating against orders, so he hadn't been back since leaving as promised, but Jacob had been feeding him what little he knew. The only things Jack had taken with him were the clothes on his back, a gun that had since run out of ammunition and Sam's bracelet. He had taken it from the dresser in his room where she stowed it while off world, and it hung around his neck next to his wedding ring and dog-tags.

Lately it had been the only thing keeping him sane, if that was the description you'd use for his current state.

"We'll find her, Jack"

"You know, Jake, every week you say that and every week we don't. How's about you spare me the optimism"

"Sam's strong. She'll find a way"

"And if she's dead?"

Jacob sucked in a breath and frowned. Judging by Jack's tone and his unapologetic expression he'd been believing the possibility longer than he'd let on, and given their lack of success, Jacob was almost starting to believe it himself. After all, why would hostiles keep her alive this long?

"You don't know that"

"Well, I'm starting to believe it"

Jacob didn't have an answer, so he turned back to the Stargate and dialled the Tok'ra home world, knowing that the moment he left Jack would dial to yet another planet. He only hoped it didn't get to the point where Jack dialled Earth, and stepped through without keying in his expired code.

"Just... don't do something you'll regret, Jack"

Jack looked up to where Jacob was standing, poised to step through, and for a moment the wall of resistance fell, letting Jacob know that under that honed and hardened shell there was still the man he knew.

"I'll regret not finding her"

-0-0-0-0-0-

Bricena entered Sam's cell with a smile on her face and a tray full of food. The room had been made more comfortable since her arrival. The stone bench now had several blankets and a pillow on it for sleeping, the leak in the roof had been sealed up and the floor had been covered with a straw mat to make the space a little less ominous.

It was just like home.

"Good morning, Sam. How are you?"

"Well, thank you", she answered shortly. Bricena had so far proven to be a friendly ally, but she was still working with the people who kidnapped her and Sam was reluctant to trust her, lest it be the very thing they were counting on.

"I brought you breakfast"

"Thank you"

"Well, you have to keep up your strength for the little one", she answered sweetly.

Sam watched as the older woman busied herself in setting up their breakfast. Shared meals had become commonplace between them, and Sam was reluctant to break what little human connection she was afforded, but there was a much more important matter that needed addressing.

"What do you want with my baby?" whispered Sam, her hand across her stomach.

Bricena stalled in her movements, her smile faltering slightly, before she continued what she was doing. "I don't know what you're talking about"

"I'm not a fool, Bricena. I heard the men talking outside my door the night they brought me here-"

"You weren't supposed to hear that", muttered the other woman quietly, poring tea.

"They want my baby and then they're going to let me go. Now, I'll ask one more time... What do you want with her?"

Bricena turned to Sam with a smile, and Sam suddenly got the impression that despite the woman's sickly sweetness, she may be a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

"A girl?"

"_What do they want with my baby?"_ screamed Sam, her eyes cold and fierce, her hands in fists over her stomach.

For a moment Bricena looked as though she was going to dodge the question, or high-tail out of there, but when she didn't Sam knew that this bonding between them had not been one-sided. Bricena sighed and sat on the stone bench, her hands in her lap.

"I'm not sure"

"Don't you dare lie to me", hissed Sam.

"I honestly don't know, Samantha. I don't. I was brought here to keep an eye on you- to make sure your child was healthy. _That's_ my job, nothing more"

"You know more", said Sam angrily, her patience wearing thin. She wanted answers and she wanted them now. Too long she'd been sitting helpless in this little room, relying on the mercy of her captors for survival. Bricena sighed and looked down at her lap, apparently contemplating whether or not she should risk her life to help this woman. Reluctantly she answered.

"Only because I too overheard a conversation"

"What were they saying?"

"I... I... can't say"

"Bricena... please"

Something in Sam's tone must have convinced her, or perhaps it was her knowledge that there were people who were waiting for Sam back home, who loved her and her child. Either way, she seemed to concede defeat and shuffled closer to Sam along the bench.

"I don't know much, Samantha. Honestly, I don't- I was never really told"

"But?"

"As far as I can tell, they need your child, and once they have... her... they are more than willing to let you go"

"What do they want with her?" asked Sam, her hand unconsciously moving to cradle her stomach.

"I'm not entirely sure, but I believe it has something to do with operating technology"

Sam sat back, her brow furrowed. Technology?

"What do you mean 'operate technology'? What technology?"

"Well, I can't be certain, but I believe these people salvage goa'uld technology from abandoned planets and bring it back here. I saw a storage locker once full of goa'uld weapons"

The woman sounded far too comfortable, and a little cold saying the word, but Sam wouldn't it notice until later.

"Goa'uld? But... _I_ can operate goa'uld technology. Can't they use _me_?"

Bricena looked down at her hands that were folded in her lap, flinching at the desperation she heard in the other woman's voice.

"Bricena?" questioned Sam reluctantly, fearfully.

"I have lied to you"

"What about?"

"When you first came to know me, I assured you that nothing had been done to you. I lied. Before you regained consciousness that first day, they ran tests on you"

"_They WHAT_?"

"I'm sorry"

"What kind of tests, Bricena?"

"Nothing dangerous to you or the child"

"What. Kind. Of. Tests?"

"A blood test"

"What for?"

"To determine if the child _also_ carries the marker that would allow it to use goa'uld technology"

Sam sat back, stunned and hurt and definitely pissed.

"Why would they want that? Why not just use the mother?" asked Sam, holding in tears, trying desperately to see this as a scientist in order to distance herself from the situation.

"It could prove to be a valuable asset, they said, to raise a child with that ability"

"_My_ child, Bricena. My child, not theirs"

"Yes. I know"

Sam scoffed and looked away, rubbing her stomach. Her head shot back around when Bricena spoke again.

"But that is not the only reason"

Sam rolled her eyes in an effort not to break down. _Anger serves me well. Don't let them see my weakness. _"What else?"

"Your child also possesses a blood anomaly that they have not seen before"

Sam looked down to her stomach, confusion written all over her face. If they knew how to detect that she had once been host to a goa'uld, surely the accompanying blood anomalies would be accounted for. What, then, could be in her child's blood that would be so valuable, and more importantly, how did it get there?

"Samantha, I hate to say this, but it would seem that your child is very valuable to these people"

Sam was about to make a snide retort, before she noticed that her 'friend' had shifted, and suddenly turned serious. In place of the sweet and innocent woman sat a fighter- someone who had seen things and done things that she was not proud of, and had only just made a decision to end the sick cycle.

"If you are going to make your escape, I would suggest you wait until the child is born. You will be stronger then, and if the child possesses abilities they wish to harness, they will keep it in good health in the upper levels of this facility"

Sam listened intently to every word, knowing that this woman was risking something very important to subtly feed her this information.

"Why are you telling me this?"

Bricena sighed, and suddenly Sam saw not the cheerful woman or the warrior, but instead a weary prisoner caught in a trap just like her.

"I was a mother once, Samantha", she answered. Her voice held an unnerving detachment that made Sam's blood run cold. "My child died on my home planet along with everyone else, and I believed them when they told me they were my friends. They have always taken care of me. I've never been given reason to question. I was midwife to their people, and I was accepted and loved. But now... well... if I was in your shoes- sitting where you are sitting- I believe I too would want to take my baby far away from this place, regardless of how well they would treat her"

She looked around Sam's small, dark room and sighed, kneading the blanket under her hand as though seeking comfort.

"This is no home", she whispered.

Sam placed her hand over Bricena's, stilling her movement and prompting her to meet her gaze.

"I _have_ a home", said Sam, the tears finally falling. "I have a husband and friends and family, and I have a job that is very important, and this is _my baby_. She wasn't planned, but she's mine, and I have a _right_ to take her from this place and raise her back home where we belong"

"I know"

"Then help me!" she cried desperately.

"When the time comes... when you a strong enough... I will do what I can"

Bricena stood and walked towards the door. She turned when she reached it.

"But you will have to be the one to fight, Samantha. Nobody has ever broken out of this facility, and if anyone can do it, I know it's you, but you will have to fight for your child. I don't know hard it will be, but I do know that they have high hopes for her, and when these people want something so badly, they will stop at nothing to ensure they have it"

Something told Sam that this woman had experience this determination first hand. Her face turned fierce and hard, and Bricena knew that, when the time came, this woman would prove to be stronger that her captors ever gave her credit.

"Well, I hope they know how to deal with disappointment"

And because she truly liked the woman's spunk, Bricena smiled.

The door closed with a clunk.


	8. Unconquerable Souls

_Okay, so I know that it seems like I'm jumping around a lot, but bear with me. The plot thickens, as it were, and just for you it's a long one. The character stuff about Hammond and Jacob are my own invention because I don't remember them ever mentioning just how well they know each other. If you guys know better, please tell me, and I'll change it._

_As always, I hope you enjoy._

_-0-0-0-_

_**Two months later. **_

_**Total time missing: Four months. **_

_**Official time AWOL: Just under four months.**_

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Samantha Carter expects pain.

Just not this much.

She's officially never, ever, in a million years having any other children, and if she gets pregnant, she'll castrate her husband and burn his bits, then have a c-section and guilt him with the scar for the rest of her life.

_The end is worth it, the end is worth it- think of Bean, think of Bean- you get Bean at the end of this. Suck it up Major! You've had worse than this, you sissy!_

Another contraction rips through her body and she moans in pain.

"Shhh, it's okay, ride through it. Breath, just breath. That's it, you're doing great, Samantha, you're doing great"

"Easy for you to say"

When the first contraction hit, Sam had immediately panicked. She was three weeks shy of her due date, give or take, and there was no real reason why she should have gone into labour early. Bricena had hinted that her captors may have induced her labour by lacing her food with something, but Sam trusted her enough not to blame her. She had proven to be a good friend, and had been very subtly feeding her information since deciding to help Sam two months ago. Guard shifts, rotations, security measures- a comment here, a whine there, a slip of the tongue, and before she knew it Sam had the whole base's security rotation in her head.

The complex is surprisingly unguarded for the most part- hidden in the middle of a junkyard that nobody bothers to go near anymore. Her cell is solid enough that they didn't bother too much with reinforcements, and given her condition, she's a slower target anyway.

It's genius cost-cutting if ever she saw it.

Another contraction rips through her, and Sam cries out.

"Not much longer, Sam. Almost there"

_Think of Bean. Think of Bean. Think of Bean. Think of Bean..._

Is it sad that she hasn't even picked a name for her daughter yet?

_-0-0-0-_

Jacob Carter and George Hammond are good friends. Old friends. They'd been there at each other's weddings, had watched each other's children grow up, had heard the news of grandchildren through a telephone line. They were there for each other after a particularly bad tour when their wives just couldn't understand. They had stood side by side at the edge of a grave, a teenage boy and girl between them, when an accident ripped a wife and mother from this world.

It would be fair to say that their friendship is an enduring one.

Jacob Carter is a military man at heart, just like George, so he knows why it is that Jack O'Neill is considered a wanted man and not a grieving husband.

The only difference is, this time Jacob doesn't agree, and he's the only one who can say anything, because he knows their friendship will survive.

When the President of the United States informs a General that they are _not_ to devote precious resources to track down an untraceable member of the flag-ship team, the General has no choice but to comply.

And when the other members of that same team insist on at least _tying_ to look, the General can only give them so much time before he too will be going against orders.

And when the leader of that team refuses to come back from said rescue mission, and instead steals military property in order to gallivant around the galaxy searching desperately for a person who is not to be found, Jacob knows that the General must officially declare that person to be AWOL.

But that doesn't mean he has to like it.

When Jack and Sam had been on Edora, at least they all knew where they were. They didn't know if they were alive, injured, in good health, but they knew where to find them.

This time they have no idea where Sam is, and that makes all the difference, because instead of going on a rescue mission, Jack O'Neill is on a fishing expedition.

And, as much as Jacob hates to admit it, George has a point. What are the chances?

The sad thing is, Sam probably could have given them a number, correct to seven decimal places.

Which is why Jacob stands in George's office, screaming his indignation, when Major Samantha Carter-O'Neill is pronounced MIA- Status: Irretrievable, and Colonel Jack O'Neill is pronounced a deserter and abandoner of his military duties.

George and Jacob both know that while he's been out there, Jack's been killing as many hostiles as a one-man wrecking crew is able.

They both know that every bullet fired was against someone deemed unfriendly by U.S military standards- after all; he's bound to have ended up on some unfriendly planets.

They both know that he's doing what he can, when he can, while also looking for his wife and child.

But according to the United States military, Colonel Jack O'Neill is now a fugitive.

Not that any of the SGC people would bring him in if they stumbled upon him, hiding on some backwash planet. The people of this mountain are too loyal for that.

If there is one thing Jack O'Neill hates, it's leaving people behind.

Leaving the SGC behind doesn't come close to leaving a member of his team, his wife, his unborn child, behind. As though history were repeating itself, only in a warped, twisted, intergalactic way, spat out through beer goggles and turned on its head.

Help one defenceless person, or an entire military base full of armed soldiers?

It's not even in the same category, really. And Jacob knows that he himself would give anything to go back, run out of that boardroom early and pick up his wife on time.

Both Jacob and George know this, which is why George doesn't ask Jacob if his people have seen Jack, and Jacob doesn't volunteer the information.

He also doesn't say that he hasn't seen Jack for three weeks, and has no idea where he is, because that also might be telling too much.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Jacob Carter returns to the Tok'ra in anger, and as much as he wishes things to be different, he knows that there will be very little done by the U.S government to protect Jack when he comes back.

If he comes back.

Jacob doesn't think he will. He's watched the man decline- seen the imbedded training take over so that all vestiges of the light-hearted friend have given way to the killer underneath. He is, after all, a killer. A very funny, very sarcastic, occasionally goofy killer, but a killer nonetheless.

So when Jack is waiting at the base of the Edoran Stargate two days later, his arms crossed, his brow furrowed, Jacob is surprised. He hasn't set eyes on the man in over three weeks, and he didn't think he ever would again.

"I've got a lead. A solid one"

It's all he says as a greeting, and Jacob's glad, because no-nonsense is always good.

"Where?"

"Some place called Yiofsa"

"Yiofsa. Selmak knows it. It's the name of the major settlement on the planet Treghyt. Dodgy- once under the rule of the minor goa'uld Thoth. They rebelled years ago- Thoth didn't fight back very hard given their naquadah wells had run dry. As far as I know it's mainly a wrecking yard now- technology foragers, drug dealing, prostitution... a real stinker of a place"

"Sounds like just the place to hide a hostage"

"Who's your source?"

"Dret, the guy back on Urander"

"The guy who sent you into Anubis territory on purpose?"

"That's him"

"How do you know you can trust him this time?"

It surprises Jacob that Jack seems to have almost as many 'friends' out in space as him. Surprises and worries him.

"I can be very persuasive"

"Mmm, I'm sure"

And he is. He's seen Jack O'Neill handle a knife.

"Says he caught up with a friend last time he needed a spare part. Says this friend was talking about another friend- some guy who works as a guard at a research complex on the edge of town. It's complicated, but sounds good"

"You need me to come?"

"No. You're already risking a lot seeing me like this, Jake. We don't want the Tok'ra to get too suspicious" He starts for a moment. "Sorry Selmak"

"She's not offended- she's kind of been persuaded to keep a secret. She gets it"

"Good being inside a Taur'i head, is it?"

"Sometimes"

Jack nods and grimaces a little. The thought still makes him queasy.

"You think she's there Jack?"

Jacob knows he's risking a lot by asking the question, but there's a spark in Jack's eye that's been missing, and a purpose to his step that Jacob used to find amusing, but now finds very comforting.

"I think I won't know 'till I get there"

It's the only answer he'll get, he knows, so Jacob holds out his hand.

"Good luck. Stay safe"

Jack squeezes his hand a little in reply before voicing the unspoken.

"If she's there, Jake, I'm bringing her home"

"I know"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Frotry Wehtu, resident mechanic and 'the man to know' in Yiofsa county, is sitting at the bar of the local dive, indulging in a pleasant cocktail of moonshine and gutrot, when a low voice next to him decides to ruin his entire day.

"I hear you're the man with the information"

The voice is not a familiar one- the man's clothes suggest he's never been in this region of space before. His accent is odd- out of place- and a little twangy compared to the people here.

Frotry doesn't notice any of that.

What he does notice is the hard edge to the guy's expression which speaks of a lifetime of these encounters. It tells him that this guy is desperate enough to come to him- a swindler and con-man- for information, and that he's willing to it without backup or a contingency plan.

So Frotry immediately likes him, and leads him to the back room of the bar where all these types of deals are made.

-0-0-0-0-0-

"What do you want to know, and how much are you willing to pay to find out?"

Before Frotry Wehtu can raise a hand in defence, his face is pressed into the table and a knife is at his jugular, which tells him that perhaps he slightly misjudged when he guessed this guy was a con-man.

Assassin sounds more apt.

"I'm going to ask you questions, and you are going to answer, or they will be finding pieces of you buried all over this town"

Frotry believes him. The hardness to his eyes. The scraggly clothes. This guy's is a man on the edge, taking anyone who gets in his way down with him.

"Okay"

Because there is no way he's going to refuse when he's in the secret back room with a knife to his throat.

"I'm looking for someone"

"Ain't we all"

The knife digs a little deeper, almost piercing the skin. This guy knows what he's doing.

"She tall, blond, beautiful, and she's of the Taur'i"

"Sounds like a keeper"

The knife makes its presence known again.

"She's my wife, and she was abducted. She's military"

"Hey, look..."

The knife nicks his throat just a little and all Frotry can think is: 'I hope it doesn't stain my shirt'.

"I am looking for her. I've been looking for four months. Now, either she's dead, and you know who did it, or she's alive and you know where"

"Look, Sir, I'm sure she's real special and all, but..."

"She's pregnant"

Frotry hears the man's voice break, and he knows that despite the act, he is not as indestructible as he'd have everyone believe.

And suddenly a conversation come to the front of his mind. This same bar, a drunken night, just the week before. Old Tundes, the crack-pot that he is, going on and on about how he was a guard at the research facility in town. How they had this 'fine little lady' as their latest project, and how they wanted to grab her baby or something to study stuff in its blood.

And here he thought the guy was talking about his latest squeeze.

"I think I know the place"

"Where"

Again with the knife.

"It's at a junkyard, just over the other side of town"

The guy lets him up a little but stays, knife ready, between Frotry and the door. His stance is practiced.

"What do you know?"

"About the place?"

"No, about Luke Skywalker"

Frotry stares blankly, so the stranger rolls his eyes. "_Yes,_ about the place"

"Well, it's an old research facility as far as I can tell. Used to run experiments on animals- meddle with their blood and stuff. It was supposed to have been shut down a few years ago- the scientist guys moved on to brighter things when the town started going downhill"

"Can't imagine why", mutters the stranger, eying the decaying walls and the floor that should be of bright red tiles, but is more a faded puce.

"Anyway, rumour has it some of the scientists came back and have been working out of there since"

"Since when?"

"I dunno, about a year ago, give or take"

"Who told you?"

"A guy I know. He was a guard at the facility. Old drunk of a thing, got kicked out a few weeks ago"

"What else did he say?"

The hand with the knife re-grips its weapon, and though it wasn't supposed to be threatening, Frotry decides not to test this guy's resolve.

"That they were holding some woman, and that they were going to take her baby"

The guy's eyes darken, and Frotry gets the feeling that it is _his_ kid he's talking about. Talk about a tough break.

"Something about the kid's blood"

The stranger doesn't move, and doesn't ask another question, which means either he knows what is going on or doesn't want to know anything more until he finds this woman and her baby.

"Will you take me?"

Frotry looks at him for a moment, then his knife, then his eyes. There's something undeniably human in them, and a little desperate, and a sudden feeling of empathy washes over him.

He sighs, annoyed at himself. It's not like he needs to get drunk today or anything.

Maybe tomorrow.

"Sure"

The guy holds out his hand, and Frotry takes it, a little warily.

"Jack"

"Jack. Nice doing business with you. The names Frotry"

"I'm not paying you"

Okay, nice to get that info sorted and out of the way.

"I know that"

"So... why are you helping me?"

"Because I get the feeling you'll kill me if I refuse", he answers, looking again to the knife sitting snugly in his hand. "And because I know my conscience will eat me tonight if I don't"

"You have one of those?"

"Doesn't everybody?"

It's supposed to sound sarcastic, but this world was once under the power of a goa'uld, and Frotry gets the feeling that Jack knows what that could mean.

"Okay Frodo... lead on"

He doesn't bother to correct this 'Jack'- he might earn himself another minor flesh wound.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Samantha Carter laughs for the first time in months when her daughter is placed in her arms. Her hair is matted, her eyes are puffy, she feels like she's been ripped apart, but in that moment she's purely happy and feels something stronger than she's ever felt before. Stronger than her love for science, stronger than her sense of duty, stronger than even her love for Jack.

"She's beautiful", whispers Bricena.

Sam nods, a tear or three slipping out as she tucks the blanket more firmly around her baby.

"Yes she is"

She knows her daughter looks just like any other newborn- squished and tiny and red- but she can't help but feel a swell of pride when a thought suddenly occurs to her.

_I created this. I grew this little thing inside me. She's a piece of me, and a piece of Jack, and she's beautiful._

"They're going to take her now, aren't they?" she whispers, looking up to Bricena with desperate eyes.

"I'll buy you a couple more minutes", the woman replies, patting her shoulder kindly, turning to talk to the guard standing by the basinet on wheels.

Sam turns back to the bundle in her arms, running her finger down the child's cheek and across her brow.

"Hey kiddo. It's your Mom. It's your Mom"

Sam readjusts the blanket again when the baby flails her arm. Her eyes are wide, unfocussed. She's a little small, but healthy, and the three weeks that she's early shouldn't make a difference, according to Bricena.

"I'm going to get you out of here, Bean. I promise"

Sam kisses her cheek, resting her lips on the top of her head gently.

"I'm gonna get us home to Daddy, and I'm never going to let you out of my sight again"

The guard walks over with the basinet, and Sam can't help but sob as Bricena gently takes her daughter from her arms and places her in the basket, tucking the blankets around her in a vague gesture of comfort. The child will be looked after, she knows, but it's _her_ baby, and they shouldn't be taking her away.

"You will see the child again in one week's time. You will then be free to go", says the guard. He at least has the decency to look a little sympathetic.

Bricena holds Sam tenderly as she cries herself to sleep, watching helplessly as her child is taken from the room and out of sight, unable to stop them.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Two days later Sam is strong enough to attempt her escape with Bricena's help. She's still tender, a little weak, but she's fuelled by a desire to get herself and her baby out of this place, and she'll be damned if they are going to keep her Bean.

Bricena has told her that the guard will be distracted long enough for Sam to get out of her room, and they go over their plan one more time, double-checking guard times and room locations. She already has a key- stolen weeks ago so as not to raise suspicion. After all, keys get lost all the time, and a guard notorious for getting drunk on the job had apparently just been fired. It was the perfect opportunity for a set to just 'go missing'.

Sam slips out of her cell and winces as she puts too much pressure on a muscle in her inner thigh.

Bricena is down the hall facing Sam, talking to the guard who has his back turned, with her 'crazy' persona in place, rambling about something to do with neo-natal care. It hurts- this reminder of why she's doing this- but she has confidence that the woman's information is right, and that she can trust her.

Sam remembers where the weapons are stored from what Bricena said. Upper level, down the corridor, left, then right, then straight.

It's the dead of night, so only the graveyard shift are on duty, and Sam only has to hide from one patrol on her way.

Good old cost cuts.

When she gets to the armoury, she sees that it's full of goa'uld weapons- bombs and staffs and zats, all lined along the back wall behind some improvised guns and a stash of knives. Bricena had mentioned that they were foragers, and from what she can see out the window, the building is surrounded by piles of scrap metal.

Taking a zat and tucking a knife into each of her boots, Sam takes off down the hall, moving slower than she'd like. The nursery is one level up from the armoury, next to the research labs and down the hall from the operating theatre.

_If they have so much as thought about taking my daughter in there, I'll kill them._

Her footsteps are light, practiced, and adrenaline courses through her as she slips straight back into her training, as though these last four months hadn't happened.

She peaks into the only room with light- a glow coming from a single lamp- and notes that there is one hostile, two o'clock, three windows- high, four shelves- partial cover.

Darting around the doorway she moves silently behind the shelves until she is level with the man in the lab coat who is writing on a chart next to a basinet.

Raising her zat as she steps around, the guy looks up fearfully and immediately raises his hands, and Sam knows he'll sooner pee his pants than try any heroics. He's barely old enough to be out of high school.

"I'm here for my daughter"

The weapon in her hand makes her feel powerful and strong, in the same way that Jack's voice shouting orders makes her feel capable.

But there is something else there now- a driving force that she knows, without a doubt, she has never before experienced. It's not borne of her training or her abilities or even her overwhelming need to punish these men for their intrusion. It's, somehow, more fundamental than that- an instinct honed and refined over millennia, of natural evolution and drilled into her since birth.

It is her mother's instinct.

They have her child. They are the only thing standing between her and her child.

Her eyes must have flashed with a fury never before seen, because the man suddenly lowers himself to the floor and gestures vaguely to the basinet, as though willing her to take the child and leave him alone.

She feels a twinge of regret as she zats him anyway, but justifies that she doesn't need a scared kid running the corridors alerting anyone of her escape.

She turns to the basinet, to the baby who has just woken up from the noise. She steps around so she's facing the door, and puts the zat in the basinet before picking up the child and holding her and closely and tightly as she dares.

"Oh, my angel... my sweet angel. Momma's gonna take you home now"

She cradles the child in the crook of her arm, picks up the zat, looks to the door and freezes.

-0-0-0-0-0-

"How can you be sure your wife is in there?"

"How can you be sure she's my wife?"

Frotry gives Jack a look as the man peers over the edge of a stack of scrap metal. The complex is just across the yard, and Jack can see there are a couple of faint lights on upstairs.

"Please", scoffs Frotry

The mask of the soldier falls for a moment and a look of chagrin flitters across Jack's features. "That obvious, huh?"

"Only to a guy who's known you five minutes"

"It's been two days"

"Not even"

"Just"

"Whatever"

"I didn't know aliens said that", mutters Jack, and Frotry resists the urge to point out just who the alien is in this relationship.

"Can you see anything?"

"Just a building"

Again, Frotry has to remind himself that under the asshole is a sarcastic guy. Funny, almost. In another life they could be friends. Maybe.

"Anyone around?"

"Nope. No guards. No security as far as I can tell"

"That's not surprising. Nobody uses this yard anymore- all the good stuffs been taken already. They wouldn't need a lot of security, especially at night. The _kids_ barely even come here anymore"

"You let your children run around this place?"

"Only during their punishment period"

"Wow. Septicaemia... great punishment"

"Huh?"

"Never mind"

"So... we going in?"

"We?"

"Well, if there are people, you're going to need back-up"

"Back-up, Frodo. Not someone who'll run screaming"

"I will do no such thing"

"You don't need to help me"

"I want to"

"Why?"

"Maybe it'll help even out all the crap I do in my life?"

"So stop the crap"

"Are you kidding? It pays a fortune!"

Jack rolls his eyes, and Frotry grins because he knows he's going in with him.

They head for the front door, and a guard rounds the corner. Hidden in shadow the guard doesn't see them until it's too late, and he's lying unconscious on the ground, courtesy of a signature ninja-Jack move.

Frotry is again reminded why he agreed to help this guy.

They move through the first level easily, taking out only one guard who had been half asleep anyway. Though Jack doesn't kill him, he'll definitely have a headache when he wakes up. They hear voices coming from downstairs when they reach a staircase- a woman chatting away about something and a man grunting his impatient responses- but the voices are too muffled to make anything out.

Jack takes a look at the building itself from the inside. Stone floor- probably stone basement- with metal walls and a metal roof, possibly holding up another floor of stone or sand-based material.

Forgetting the voices downstairs for the moment, they continue on, taking out another guard with ease.

Perhaps someone should tell them they need to update their security.

They head upstairs quietly, Jack poised with his knife ready to be thrown. Frotry has never felt safer.

They clear the corridor and head forward, passing an empty room that looks like an operating theatre and another store room full of supplies.

They move on, heading silently towards a room that has a faint glow, pressed against the wall so as to hide in the shadows. The two moons of the planet shine eerily through the windows, casting a harsh blue light over the landing.

Jack stops them when they hear another female voice utter something inside the room and Frotry listens out for any noise coming from behind them. A moment later Jack hears the unmistakable ping of a zat-gun, and he's running as fast and silently as he can towards the door, arm raised, knife gripped tight. Frotry follows, and almost slams into him as Jack stops in the doorway, frozen.

The knife drops.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

_One more chapter to finish things off? _

_How'd you like that one?_


	9. Sigh No More

_A nice, quick update, because you're all so patient! _

_I wasn't entirely sure how to write the reunion, but here it is. I hope you like it._

_-0-0-0-_

The first moment they lay eyes on each other is hard to describe. Jack's shoulders visibly tense, and the woman in the room looks to them with wide, fearful eyes, clutching a bundle to her chest. Jack's breathing has become shallow and harsh, and Frotry is sure he hasn't even realised he's dropped the knife, because every muscle in his body is frozen. The woman, who he guesses must be Jack's wife based on the reaction, hasn't moved, and he's not surprised. Jack did say he'd been looking for her for months, so she's no doubt been waiting just as long.

She too looks frozen, as though fighting her instinct of flight.

It's only when the bundle moves and moans that Frotry realises it's a baby wrapped in those blankets that are clutched so tightly in her arms. Newborn, if he remembers correctly. A hungry newborn.

"Sam"

The name comes out barely a whisper, so softly spoken that Frotry thinks maybe Jack believes himself to be hallucinating. The possibility had crossed his mind.

Jack starts forward, and Frotry has the sense to stay at the door, as much for security as to give the two some privacy. Jack walks slowly, uncertainly. The woman doesn't move, but tracks his motion, her fingers kneading the blanket under her baby's bum. Her eyes are wide and sharp, and Frotry can see an intelligence hidden in them that tells him he's dealing with some huge personalities.

There's a commotion from outside the door, and a deafening bang from a lower level, and before he realises what's happened Frotry is being pushed back down the corridor by Jack, who has the woman's hand clutched tightly in his own, their child held securely in her other.

"Go, go, go", he commands, pushing them down the stairs from whence they came. Behind them they hear a guard stomping up the metal stairs at the opposite end of the corridor, and it's only a matter of seconds before he realises his friend is unconscious and the baby is gone.

"Armoury. Fourth door", says the woman, her voice strong, as though she's finding some sort of strength in this situation. An image of his wife standing between a local drug lord and their third newborn in the middle of their living room, himself lying on the floor with a broken nose, flashes in Frotry's mind, and he's reminded again why they call it a "mother's protective instinct".

They dodge into the armoury as the footsteps above them start running out of the room and towards the staircase they'd just come down. Jack and the woman- Sam, he remembers Jack saying- each pick up a strange weapon in the shape of an 'S', and push a button to make them pop up.

"Wow!"

Frotry jumps back as it's pointed a little too close to his head for comfort.

"Don't worry, Frodo, not gonna shoot you", mutters Jack, and judging by the smirk on Sam's face, his is not the first name this guy has butchered. She too has picked up a weapon, but she looks a little awkward juggling the gun and the baby, and Frotry can't help but think that the observation is a little too symbolic to voice out loud.

"Let me", he offers to her, holding out his hand for the weapon. She nods her thanks and shifts her baby into a more comfortable position. Jack catches the movement out of the corner of his eye, and looks as though he's about to acknowledge his child for the first time, when the footsteps get closer. He's forced to look away and double-check that his weapon is in working order. They all duck behind boxes, and as the guy comes into the doorway, gun raised, Jack takes his shot and watches the man crumple to the ground.

"Let's go"

It sounds more like an order than a suggestion, and Frotry isn't sure why, but that makes him feel safer knowing this guy is really _that good_.

They all head to the main door, but Sam stops before they reach it, looking at the stairs to the basement. She holds out her hand. A woman, probably about 50 or so, reaches up and takes it, stumbling up the last two stairs. Frotry is immediately under her arm, helping her to walk on a bloody leg. Her punishment for something, he thinks, and has a fair idea what.

Jack seems to understand that this woman is coming with them, because he only nods and raises the weapon again as they exit the complex and run for the piles of scrap that will serve as their cover. There are still two guards unaccounted for, but by the time they realise what's gone on, the little group will be long gone into the night.

This has certainly turned out to be an exciting day, thinks the con-man, and despite the situation, he can't help but grin.

-0-0-0-0-

They don't stop moving until they reach Frotry's house just on the other side of town, and despite the fact it's still the middle of the night, the door is opened to them and they are ushered inside by a woman Jack presumes is Frotry's wife- one Mrs Wehtu.

The place is average size- a kitchen and living area in the middle with what he assumes are bedrooms off to the side.

"Keep it down, the children are asleep", she says by way of greeting, shooting her husband a look Jack remembers giving his son when he brought home that lizard and begged to keep it.

"Here- bring her in here", she says when she spies the state of their companion's leg, and Jack gets the feeling this is not the first time Frotry has brought home some injured travellers in the dead of night. Frotry, his wife, and the woman Sam wanted to help all disappear into a back room, leaving the reunited family alone in the main living room.

Jack turns to Sam, and she does the same, taking a hesitant step towards him, her eyes watering at the very sight of him. She weighing him up, gauging what the past few months have done to him and how he'll react to her. She knows Jack O'Neill well enough to know that cold and emotionless is his default, and the loss of family is a particularly sensitive trigger for him.

God knows what he's doing on this nowhere planet dressed in ripped BDU's, but she almost doesn't need to ask how he knew where to find her, because it's Jack O'Neill they're talking about, and he doesn't leave people behind.

"Sam", he whispers. His eyes are suddenly clear, as though really seeing her for the first time, and the shift in him is so palpable and so comforting that she can't help but take another step towards him, seeking the calm only he can provide.

She sobs, and nods a little as though answering an unspoken question.

In one swift move Jack has embraced her, his hand weaving into her hair and his other at the base of her spine. She folds into him, almost collapsing, as though she's succumbing to sleep after four months awake. She weeps into his shoulder and he rocks them slightly, his fingers flexing against her back. A few tears slip from his eyes as he buries his face in her neck, and she feels them through her shirt.

He wants to be able to hold her against him forever and never let her go, but a movement from between them causes them to part and look down to the bundle wrapped safely in warm blankets and her mother's arms.

With one arm around Sam's shoulders, Jack runs the fingertips of his free hand down the side of his daughters face, watching as her eyes open and stare at him, unfocussed but clear. They're a deep blue, but Jack gets the feeling they'll change to brown within the month. The fine tuft of hair on the crown of her head is almost white, and he knows it won't get much darker, because if her cheekbones are any indication, this little one is all Sam.

But she has his shaped fingernails, and it's the most random thing in the world to notice, but he does and it's heart-warming.

"Bean... meet your Daddy", sniffs Sam, her tears rolling down her cheeks and falling from her chin onto the blanket.

"Hey Bean", he says softly, the name familiar, rubbing his hand up and down Sam's back. If he's confused about the name he doesn't say so, but then Sam gets the impression that he knows exactly why she hasn't named her yet. The baby shifts and squawks, and Sam can't help but laugh at the sound, sniffing and using the back of one hand to wipe her eyes and nose.

"A little girl?" asks Jack softly, his hand cupping the top of the baby's head, remembering what the ultrasound said all those months ago. Sam only nods, fighting another round of tears as Jack kisses her temple and blinks back his own.

"I'm so proud of you, Sam. You did great. I... you're amazing"

"She's a little small... she was early-"

"She's perfect, Sam. Just perfect", he says cradling his daughter's head as he kisses Sam's temple again.

"Oh God I missed you", she whispers desperately, closing her eyes and holding Bean close to her chest. "We missed you so much"

"Me too... me too", whispers Jack, holding her tighter against his body.

Someone clears their throat loudly from behind them, and they turn to find Frotry's wife standing at the door to the room, a bloody cloth in one hand and a bowl of warm water tucked against her hip.

"You two won't have much time to get out of here. As soon as they know you're missing, news will spread like wildfire, and you two don't exactly fit in"

Her words aren't cruel or malicious, only truthful, and Sam and Jack both nod. She's definitely done this before. She disappears into the room just as Frotry comes out.

"If you want to say goodbye..." he says, gesturing to the room. "I'll take you to the portal"

Sam nods, and the three walk into the small room where Bricena is lying on a straw mat, hissing in pain as the cloth in Mrs. Wehtu's hand lightly wipes away the blood from her wound.

"She'll be fine", says Frotry. "We'll take good care of her"

"I know you will, Frodo", says Jack, clapping the man on the shoulder.

The gesture doesn't surprise Frotry as much as he thought it would, and perhaps he's been waiting to see the other side of this man since they found his wife and child alive and safe. His wife just raises one eyebrow at the nickname, but doesn't say anything.

"Bricena", says Sam, kneeling by her friend. "How can I ever thank you?"

"There is no need, Samantha"

"You kept me sane. You were my friend. You saved my life, and the life of my baby", says Sam deeply, her brow furrowed in a mix of awe and gratitude.

"Mine too", says Jack from behind them. It takes Bricena a moment to understand that he's thanking her for saving _his life_, and the knowledge of that fact will allow her to sleep easy because all the stories she has heard of this 'Jack' have just proven themselves to be true.

"You came back for me, Samantha, when nobody else ever has. I'd say we are about even"

Sam takes her outstretched hand and grasps it tight, kissing her knuckles.

"Thank you, my friend"

There's a noise from outside, and it reminds them all that they don't have time to waste.

"We should go", says Jack gently.

Sam nods, and gives Bricena one last look before standing and following her husband.

"Samantha"

She stops and turns at the door, raising her eyebrows to the woman who called her name- who helped her in her time of need.

"You take care of that little one. She's wise like her mother, strong like her father... a gift if ever I've seen one"

Sam nods again, holding back tears as she remembers that this woman once lost a child herself. "I will"

They leave the room and pick up their weapons from the couch. Jack and Frotry walk out first, clearing the area before allowing Sam to exit, precious package tucked safely in her arms. The road to the Stargate is thankfully over-run by houses and sheds, providing lots of cover for the three adults to hide behind as they make their way. They reach it without trouble, though the signal spire on the roof of Sam's prison looms eerily above a sea of buildings. She shudders, remembering the cold floor of that first night, and unconsciously shifts Bean in her arms.

"I guess this is goodbye, friend", says Frotry, holding out his hand at the base of the Stargate.

"I can't thank you enough for helping me, Frotry"

It's the first time the man has got his name right, but what Frotry notices most is that, while vestiges of the animal still lie underneath, they are slowly being taken over by a man so in love- so content- that Frotry would have gladly waved his fee, even if knives hadn't been involved. The woman at his side can't seem to look away, as though she too is witnessing the transformation, and Frotry smiles. Perhaps he's just found himself a new friend.

"You know... I like you. Knives and all"

Jack grins his response, and it makes him look ten years younger.

"And you were right"

"About what?"

"She _is _a keeper. Miss, if I wasn't married..."

Frotry waggles his eyebrows for effect, and is more than a little shocked when she kisses his cheek, giggling. "Thank you..."

"Frotry", he provides, holding out his hand, and it's funny because he's never had a girl kiss him and _then _ask for his name. She squeezes his hand more than shakes it and holds the baby a little higher as though to remind them both just what he helped save.

"Thank you Frotry"

"It was my pleasure. Not that your husband gave me much choice"

He's not bitter about being forced into this, and that tells him that some part of himself recognises that this was a good thing. Jack grins again and holds out his hand as Sam steps to the dialling device, starting the sequence a little slower, her memory not quite catching up to the situation.

"You take care", says Jack. "You look after that wife of yours. And the little ones"

"Thank you... there's four, in case you were wondering"

"All the more reason to keep yourself out of trouble"

They wave each other away as the 'gate kawooshes open, no more words needed between them, and Frotry runs back into the shadows of the town- back to his family.

"You ready?" asks Sam, sensing that perhaps she's not the one most afraid to return home.

"Yeah"

Jack runs the pad of his finger down Bean's cheek before starting forward. He's stopped short.

"Hey"

He turns to Sam, her hand falling from his arm.

"I love you"

She's never meant it more, and a new wave of tears threatens to fall when he pulls her to him with one hand to the back of her neck, crashing his lips to hers.

"I love you", he says hoarsely a moment later. He pecks the corner of her mouth again before pulling back, and they step through the event horizon together, the child between them.

By the time the remaining guards of the complex get to the open Stargate, it's already shut down, and they know they are going to be in soooo much trouble when the professors get back in the morning.

-0-0-0-0-

_Next up:__ Jacob, back at the SGC, some major decisions are made._

_It was a little shorter, but I decided to split them rather than have one massive one._

_Let me know what you thought of this chapter. I love hearing what you think! =D_


	10. Patch the Havoc

_Okay... I'm thinking this will really be the last in this __multi-chapter story line. Promise. *crosses fingers behind back* No, really, it should be. Should be. _

_Stay tuned._

_And this chapter shall reveal the __much-anticipated name of bub! Yay! You'll have to let me know if I made a good choice. I always find these sorts of decisions so hard, because everyone has this idea in their head, and I don't want to shatter any illusions by actually giving the child a moniker._

_As always, enjoy!_

_-0-0-0-_

Jacob Carter stepped through the gate to Edora and came face to face with one sight he thought he'd never see- Jack, standing next to Sam, holding a baby.

"Dad"

Jacob returned the sudden hug from his daughter with gusto, running his hand over her back in comfort, and looked over her shoulder at his son-in-law with nothing short of wonder written all over his face.

"You did it"

Jack could only nod, the situation just a little too serious for him to make any jokes about his tracking abilities or unbelievable luck that she'd been escaping at the time of her rescue. As Jacob reluctantly pulled back, watching Sam wipe her eyes, Jack came forward holding the little bundle up for inspection. Jacob held out his arms expectantly and Jack gently lowered his daughter into them.

"A girl", he said softly, resting his hand over the baby's head as Jacob nestled her in the crook of him elbow.

"Hey", cooed Jacob, staring at the face of the sleeping baby. "God, Sam, she's just like you. So much the same"

Sam smiled from her place under Jack's arm, nodding in recognition as her father noted the cheekbones, the blonde hair, the nose.

"You did good, kid. You did real good"

"Thanks Dad"

Jacob pulled her into a fierce one-armed hug, and her hand instinctively moved to rest over her daughter as they stood there, Jack barely a foot away.

"I was so worried"

"I'm okay"

"Are you sure?"

Jacob pulled back, inspecting her for himself.

"I'm sure. I was taken care of"

Jacob and Jack exchanged a look, but it was neither the time nor place to mention she was being held prisoner. Jacob was thankful to see she looked a healthy weight and her skin wasn't drawn, though it could have done with more sun these past months. They stayed there for a moment, a family reunited, before Jack broke the silence.

"Jake, we'll need your GDO to get home"

"Yeah, of course"

Jacob handed the baby to Sam before he pulled the GDO off his belt and went to the DHD to dial the familiar co-ordinates, taking Jack's look towards Sam as his leave.

"Jack- you figured out what you're going to say yet?" called Jacob, glancing up.

"Say about what?" asked Sam, absently rocking where she stood as the baby gurgled and puckered her lips in her sleep.

Jack and Jacob looked at each other, then at Sam, then back to each other.

"Jack..." she crooned, her voice tinted with suspicion, her eyes narrowed. "Say about what?"

Jack cleared his throat and looked down, scuffing his foot over the ground.

"I, ah... wasn't exactly acting under orders... coming to get you"

"What do you mean 'not exactly under orders'? What did you do?"

"Oh, you know, nothing I haven't done before"

And judging by the look on her face, Jack could tell she knew exactly what he'd done- understood that he had disobeyed a direct order to go looking for her. It wasn't the first time SG-1 had gone against the higher order, though it wasn't every day that one member went after another for personal reasons. He could argue 'till the cows came home that she was the brains of the operation, but nobody would believe that when they had rings and a marriage license to prove otherwise.

"You didn't"

"Yep"

The gate opened behind them suddenly, and Jacob started forward from the DHD, entering the code as he got closer to the wormhole, pointedly ignoring the couple. Sam and Jack looked on as Jacob approached, and knew they had seconds before they were expected to follow. Jack turned back to Sam, watching her watch the gate, the expression on her face similar to the first time she ever saw the event horizon up close.

"And I'd do it again", he murmured, for her ears only, staring intently at his wife and daughter.

She didn't have an answer to that, so she only nodded, her expression a mix of disapproval and gratitude. Moving toward the gate, she placed one hand on his bicep, squeezing lightly in recognition of what he'd done for her, before starting forward again.

"Hey", said Jack, stopping her short. "I have something for you"

He pulled his neck chain out from under his shirt and watched as her eyes showed recognition of two things. First, his dog tags- recognition of an unspoken commitment that he hadn't fully given up, despite his reckless disregard for the rules. Second- the bracelet he had made her. Tears welled in her eyes as he unclasped the bracelet from the chain and held it out towards her wrist. She let him put it on- let the memory of the first time he had done this wash over her- as a single silent tear slipped out.

"Thank you", she whispered, the words holding far more than just gratitude. He went to step away and continue for the gate when she held out her hand to stop him.

"Jack"

She pulled her own chain from around her neck, and he showed little surprise in seeing her dog tags and wedding rings there, as though he expected at least that much from the kindly woman back on Yiofsa. She took the wedding band between her thumb and forefinger and held it higher than the rest. His eyes widened a little in question.

"The inscription. I tried to remember, but I just couldn't figure it out. What does it say?"

He smiled at the way her voice went shy, as though expecting him to be angry for her not remembering. His eyes softened, and her knees could have given out as her heart sped up and her mouth went dry, and for God's sake, pull yourself together woman! Every damn time.

"_Usquequaque in meus pectus pectoris_", he whispered, practiced, as though he'd been chanting it for months so that he might fully understand what it meant. Cupping Sam's cheek with one hand, he looked down to their daughter, then back to her eyes, his own eyes intense but tender. "It means _Always in my heart_"

Sam's breath caught in her throat as he leaned in and placed a delicate kiss on her lips.

"Let's go home", he whispered a moment later, resting his forehead against hers, feeling her nod her answer.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jack and Jacob stood side-by-side in the infirmary observation room, the woman and child sleeping peacefully below unaware they had an audience. Jack was waiting to be summoned upstairs once Hammond had finished his phone call, and Jacob was waiting for a number of SG teams to come home before he had to take his leave. Neither man had spoken to each other since they all got back to Earth. The initial briefing was short, thanks to one Dr. Janet Frasier. She insisted on checking out Sam and child, and in the interim Jack had briefly gone through with Hammond the few details he knew of Sam's capture. The General had graciously allowed him to roam free on-base until the President was contacted and the situation explained, though they both knew he wouldn't be far from Sam and the baby. Technically he should be under arrest, but Hammond had assured him that his retrieval of the leading expert on 'gate technology would certainly earn him some Brownie points, and he'd do everything in his power to ensure Jack's actions against any hostiles he encountered was taken into account.

So Jack was standing in the observation room, brooding away, when Jacob had joined him and the two men stayed that way, one lost in his thoughts and the other waiting patiently. Jacob filled the silence with idle talk- questions he knew the answer to- until Jack was ready to open up.

"How is she?"

"Doc Frasier says she's doing great for someone who gave birth three days ago on a foreign planet without advanced medical care", replied Jack, his voice holding just enough emotion to fool everyone except the two in the room. "Not under-nourished. A little sore, but that's normal. Had trouble breast-feeding at first, but she's okay now"

"Did they not let her the first two days?"

"Not as far as I can tell. Her friend Bricena helped her relieve the pain"

Jacob decided to move the conversation away from the topic of his daughter breast-feeding, lest it start getting awkward between the two men. Selmak laughed in their shared headspace at his squeamishness regarding female hygiene and bodily function, and resisted the urge to bring up some less-than-savoury mental images.

"And bub?"

"As healthy as a horse. Early, but not enough to worry about anything. Slightly smaller than average, but within the normal weight range. Ten fingers, ten toes, good lungs"

They lapsed into silence as they went back to watching the two. Finally Jack opened up, muttering quietly, as though afraid his voice would carry into the room below.

"She shouldn't have been on the mission in the first place"

"What do you mean?"

Jack sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, aware that he couldn't remain silent now, particularly given the look Jacob was shooting his way.

"She was supposed to stay on base for the remainder of the pregnancy"

They way he said it gave the comment weight, and Jacob knew that he was feeling guilty for something that he hadn't yet confessed.

"So what happened?" asked Jacob, failing to keep a note of accusation out of his voice, no matter how hard he tried.

"She requested to come along. Said it would be her last trip before the baby, then that was it, and the UAV hadn't shown _any_ life-signs at the time, so we were supposed to be _fine_"

Jack paused as he calmed himself, aware that he was starting to sound as hysterical as he was capable. After a moment he reiterated his point, folding his arms.

"Practically begged Hammond and I to let her go on the mission"

"Jack... it was his call too. You can't blame only yourself"

"I let her go!" he said loudly in the older man's face, rounding on him with fury. "Don't you get it? It was my call, my judgement, and I let her come with us. I let my personal feelings override my common sense- my judgement as a commanding officer- and Sam spend four months of her life, pregnant, in a cell, on some God-forsaken planet, unable to get home. She had our child- her _first_ child- away from anyone she knew, completely alone, and I wasn't there for her..."

Jack sat on the seat behind him, slumping under the weight of the confession, refusing to cry in front of Jacob Carter of all people. He worked his jaw for a moment, his brow furrowed as he looked at Sam.

"I screwed up... and she payed the price"

Jacob sighed and moved to sit next to him, letting his forearms rest on the table in front of them, his hands clasped.

"Jack... I know you well enough to know that you'll take this personally... that you'll blame yourself for a very long time"

Jack looked away.

"But I don't think shutting her out _now_ is the best way for you to atone for your sins, do you?"

The way the other man's shoulders slumped and his jaw tensed told Jacob that he was recognising the truth in his words- understood that Jacob knew his default. Jack was not a man to bare his sins to the world and seek forgiveness, and Jacob had seen him put up a wall of indifference and sometimes down-right hostility in order to push those he loved away, as though he might be protecting them better by distancing them.

He recognised the same trait in himself, and to a lesser extent in his daughter, and he knew a few honest observations and a challenge to a higher loyalty would be the only way to assure Jack of his importance in his family circle.

"As strong as she is..." continued Jacob quietly. "As brave as she pretends to be... she needs you, now more than ever. More than that- your _daughter_ needs you"

Jacob watched as Jack looked down into the observation room, to the baby asleep in the crib next to her mother. Jack's eyes softened at the sight of his newborn, and Jacob knew then that they'd be okay, because if he was sure of one thing, it was that Jack O'Neill would not abandon his second child to fate without doing all in his power to protect her.

"I don't think she can hold a grudge for something she doesn't even remember", said Jacob softly, watching the tension leave Jack as he looked over his family.

"And I'll tell you another thing..."

Jack looked at him expectantly.

"Sam won't either"

Jack nodded, his eyes twitching into an almost-squint as he looked back down into the room.

"I know she won't. That doesn't mean she shouldn't"

Jacob sighed.

"Jack... you found her. You found her when nobody else could, and you brought them home, safe and well, in one piece. She's a big girl, Jack- she makes her own decisions, and at the end of the day, she won't remember that you _let_ her go on the mission because she _asked_. What she'll remember is the moment when you found her on that planet and she'll remember the first time you saw your daughter. She'll remember what it felt like to know you came looking for them, when everyone else had given up hope"

Jack looked again into the room, to the woman lying safe and sound, peacefully asleep on the infirmary bed. Both these men had a claim to her in some way- felt they had a responsibility to protect her and to teach her. But Jacob knew that he was no longer 'man no. 1', and he needed to know that when he passed over the reins for good- when he was no longer here to give these talks- that Jack would look past his own insecurities and imperfections and recognise that Sam needed him to be there for her and their child, warts and all.

More than that, she simply _needed_ _him_.

"Her and her God-damn loyalty", muttered Jack, recalling that day on Edora when her loyalty had irrevocably changed their lives. His tone was supposed to be accusatory, but Jacob detected a note of admiration and affection in it, and he knew Jack was internally grateful.

"Get used to it", said Jacob, patting Jack's shoulder as he lifted out of the chair and headed for the door. "Face it Jack- you're stuck with her"

"Wouldn't have it any other way, Jake, I just hope _she_ sees things the same"

"I know. And she does. That's what makes you so good for one another. You adore her, and she somehow manages to find something in you worth keeping"

"I'm a great cook"

Jacob snorted as he walked out the door, and couldn't resist throwing one last barb over his shoulder.

"No you're not!"

Jack grinned, and decided it was time he went and spent some time with his wife and child.

-0-0-0-0-0-

_**24 Hours later- Hammond's office**_

"Colonel Jack O'Neill, commander of SG-1, I hereby place you on probation, effective immediately. Your reckless disregard for standing orders, your illegal acquisition of United States Air Force equipment and supplies, and your insubordinate attitude towards superiors should warrant you a dishonourable discharge at best, if not a few years in prison.

However, given your successful retrieval of a valued member of this program and the leading expert on Stargate technology, as well as Tok'ra reports that your activities on other worlds help to weaken enemy forces, the President, the Joint Chiefs and I have come to an agreement.

You will not be brought up on official charges. Your record will, however, have _another_ black-mark to it, though I'm sure it won't make a difference given how many you already managed to earn yourself. Consider this two strikes against your name- one more, and you can shall be calling yourself a prisoner of the United States.

You are placed on probation for a period of one year, effective immediately. If you so much as sign a requisition form the wrong way, you will be dismissed from your post.

You will remain leader of SG-1, so long as your conduct on said team does not facilitate aforementioned prohibited behaviour.

Are we clear, Colonel?"

"Transparent, Sir"

Hammond worked his jaw to stop himself from grinning at the gag, both of them well aware that SG-1 stepped out of line every damn day, and it would have to be one major balls-up for Jack to truly lose his job or worse.

"Good. Dismissed"

Jack turned towards the door, his back ram-rod straight, a smirk playing on his features under a mask of perfect military apathy.

"Oh and Jack?"

He turned back to Hammond, who had sat himself down and was absently flicking through a file, though they both knew it was all for show.

"Sir?"

"Welcome home"

Jack grinned, and nodded his head, recognising both the welcome and the forgiveness in the General's voice.

"Good to be home, Sir"

"May I ask- Have you named that daughter of yours yet?"

"Yes Sir", said Jack, positively beaming with pride at the mention of his daughter- the child he was taking home that night for the first time.

"And?"

"Zoe, Sir. Zoe Louise O'Neill"

Hammond smiled, and nodded his consent, recognising the middle name as belonging to Sam's mother and Jack's grandmother alike.

"Apparently, according to Daniel, it means... now, let me get this right... life, warrior and passionate champion"

Hammond all but laughed as Jack recited the meaning, no doubt forced by Daniel to listen to it over and over, as though it were a massive, brilliant coincidence that Sam and Jack had those particular names on their short list.

"A worthy name, I would say"

"That's what we thought"

"I take it you're still calling her-?"

"Bean? Trying not to, Sir", said Jack, amused to note that the General paid them enough attention to notice their nickname for their child.

Hammond chuckled as shook his head.

"It will be a hard habit to break, son"

"Sam hits me every time I do it"

And he'd be damned if there wasn't a hint of a whine in the other man's tone.

"It's a mother's prerogative"

Jack nodded and shuffled out the door, his head bobbing in amusement as he headed in the direction of the infirmary, the word 'mother' reverberating around his head like a ping-pong ball, as though it was the first time it occurred to him that Sam was now a mother, and he a father.

The road to recovery was a long one, but SG-1 were known as fighters, and with everyone now safe and healthy and happy, Jack knew they'd be okay, if not now then soon. If nothing else, they were together again, and he had his family to take care of and a house to become reacquainted with, and a new baby to keep him on his toes.

-0-0-0-0-

_Still one more lose end to tie up, but I'll do that without so much angst. The angst is making me depressed, so I'm gonna deviate a little in the next one, give myself a respite :)_

_So- what did you think of the name and the chapter?_


	11. Letters

_I'm making a radical decision here, but I did say this story was AU, so bare with me._

_As always, hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think =D_

_-0-0-0-0-0-0-_

_I can't do this again, Jack, _she had whispered their second night home. _I won't survive it again. And I won't put our daughter through it. She doesn't deserve any of this shit that we get ourselves into, any more than we do, and it's our job to make sure it doesn't _get_ to her. _

_Something's gotta give._

He had known what she was talking about, even in his half-awake state, curled as he was on his side, his body turned away from hers in sleep.

So he had done the only thing there was to do. He had walked with her to Hammond's office the next day, and knocked on the door himself, the letter tucked firmly in her hand.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

In the end it was not as difficult a decision as everyone had made it out to be, or that they themselves expected it to be.

He was the soldier. The fighter. The protector. Even when he went against his higher order, there was a reason to it- a logic that, in the grand scheme of things, put him back on the same page as those he was defying.

She, on the other hand, was a scientist. Her abilities as a soldier were not to be questioned. Her hand-to-hand combat skills could kick a man's butt twice her size and her aim with the ol' P90 made Jack more than a little proud. He wasn't afraid to admit it.

But she was the scientist of the team, and in her heart that's where her loyalties lie. Jack was the leader, Teal'c the muscle, Daniel the conscience and Sam the brains. That's how they worked, and they could defend themselves and rally against pigeon-holing all they liked, but at the end of the day they each had their place, and everyone was well aware why the leading expert on Stargate technology- the woman who almost singlehandedly built the dialling computers- was on SG1.

She was the one with the burning need to discover, and no amount of training or war or military protocol could beat that out of her.

So, at the end of the day, it was not as difficult a decision as everyone made it out to be.

Major Samantha Carter, 2IC of SG-1 and resident brainiac, quit the United States Air Force, her head held high, her heart completely in it, and her daughter held safely in the arms of her Uncle Daniel at the bottom of the ramp- a reminder of why this was a good choice.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Doctor Samantha Carter strolled down the corridor of the SGC next to her husband, holding Zoe, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It was a burden she'd never noticed before- or perhaps mistaken for some fundamental need to follow in her father's footsteps and prove she could hack it with the big boys. But either way, now that she was free of the constraints of military life, she was exhilarated. She could kiss her husband on base without anyone being able to tell her otherwise. She could stay behind and work on her doohickeys without anyone shouting orders for a Major to step in line.

She was now free to explore the curious side of herself- the side that she had been denying between battles with Jaffa and alien incursions.

Because if Samantha Carter was anything, she was curious, and knew how to harness that curiosity and channel it into some of the most miraculous projects Earth had ever seen.

Jack had understood her need to change direction. Had seen a fear under her mask that had been absent before their daughters arrival. He couldn't deny that it was a bittersweet change for everyone. He would miss her in the field, no doubt- miss seeing her face light up as they stumbled on some alien artefact. Miss her quirky, sometimes-out-of-left-field humour that showed itself on those sleepless nights around a campfire.

But they had more to consider now than just themselves, and give their daughter had been born offworld, he understood Sam's need to make sure their daughter not only had a mother, but that her mother was there for her.

And Jack was not so naive as to think it had nothing to do with Sam's own childhood.

Just as Sam was not so naive as to think starting a baby book didn't immediately remind her husband of the one almost identical, tucked safely in the attic of his ex-wife's house.

It's not as though the SGC was losing Samantha Carter- she was, after all, assigned as project manager in the labs; an honour in its own right.

But SG1 was losing her, in their own way.

And that meant only one thing

Cake.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**5 months later...**

The day he found her letters he was at home sick, tired and miserable because of the damn flu (the _flu,_ of all things in the galaxy). He was surfing their computer- the one in the den that he barely even used for email and that Sam had completely rebuilt while home with Zoe- and looking through his files, deleting the ones he didn't need. He'd stumbled on the folder by accident, having clicked into another from the desktop.

What he found surprised him less that it should have, and even in his delirious, tired state, he recognised that it was yet another one of her safe-guards. A coping mechanism. Like her calendar on Edora.

Last saved five months ago, to the day.

She was not so naive as to think they were an indestructible force- that there wasn't a serious chance that someone would have to knock on her family's door and inform them that she wasn't coming home. Neither was Jack. It was the reason they had both nominated a medical proxy outside their marriage, should something happen to the both of them. They had both chosen Janet, and while she had insisted she'd never need to exercise her power, she was grateful for the consideration.

She was, after all, about as naive as them regarding these things.

Still, the letters were a subtle reminder that for every time they came home, no matter the state they were in, there was another person out there who wouldn't- whose empty casket would be sent home to their family along with a pathetic lie about where and why they died.

Jack didn't open any of the folders, but it certainly got him thinking.

If there was one thing he'd like Sam to know- one message he could give her from beyond the grave- what would it be?

And so, for the first time in his life, Jack O'Neill sat down at his computer and wrote the first draft of his goodbye letter.

He wouldn't think about it again until a month later, after a particularly bad mission almost warranted the letter being given to his wife.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Sam?"

"Hmmm?"

"If you could say one thing to me, what would it be?"

"_What_?"

The look of complete and utter confusion on her face spoke volumes, her book lowered from in front of her face and her head, resting against the headboard of their bed, turned towards him.

"If you had only one thing you could say to me, what would it be?"

"Why?"

"Just..."

"No, tell me why you wanna know. What brought on this mood?"

"Nothing"

"Don't you 'nothing' me"

"It was just something the other day got me thinking"

"What did?"

"Your letters"

"My letters? What letters?"

"The ones on the computer"

"Which-? Oh! Those letters. You found them, then?"

"I didn't _read_ them"

"I'm not sure I would have cared if you did"

"I'm just saying... I didn't actually read them... they just got me thinking about what could be in them..."

"And you want me to tell you?"

"No. I want to know what you'd say _now_, not what you'll say in seventy years"

Sam scoffed at the suggestion that she'd still be around when she's 103. Or, more to the point that Jack would still be around when he's 119. He sent her a mirthful look for the undignified sound.

"So... then... if you, you know..."

"You mean, if I could tell you just one thing before I die, what would it be?"

"Yeah"

She sighed and closed her book, bookmark in place, before putting it on her bedside table and turning to face him completely, her legs folding under her so she could sit upright. She took a moment to contemplate the question before answering, knowing full well he was expecting a serious answer and not some smart-ass quip.

"I'm not sure", she said quietly, her eyes scouring his features. "There would be so many things I'd want to say"

"What would be the most important, then?"

"I love you"

He grinned a little and the simplicity of her words- at the wide-eyed expression she got when she was being blunt and honest.

"But that hardly seems enough, does it?" she mused, her brow furrowing as she searched for the right combination of words. Cupping his cheek lightly with one hand, her eyes flicked back and forth between his, sensing he needed to hear something substantial. They'd been through a lot in their short marriage, and a lot more before it, and though it had been five months since she'd been rescued, she still sometimes woke in the middle of the night to find him staring at her across the small distance of their bed, as though afraid to fall asleep and discover it was all an illusion.

SG-1 was not as infallible as everyone at the SGC believed them to be. They hurt, just like everyone else. They came back from bad missions with weeks' worth of nightmares, and threw glasses at the wall in frustration and, on occasion, sought each other out for a solid night of pure impenitent drinking.

There were even those rare nights when crying themselves to sleep proved the only way to go, though it was usually limited to the two scientists of the team- the two who _felt_ the most and were yet to develop the strategies that allowed the other two to cope without outward displays of emotion.

And while there was something to be said for 'experience' and the way it prepares you, there was still a bottle of sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet and the number for Dr. Mackenzie on the office desk, shoved under the hardware store catalogue and the electrical bill.

Emotion had no place on the battlefield, they were taught. Everything is cold, calculated and executed with precision. Military precision, as it were.

But they were human, after all, and no man is an island, no matter how hard he may try.

More to the point, these men don't _want_ to be.

Not anymore.

Shifting to lean over him, pressing him into the headboard a little, Sam cupped his face, her thumbs lightly running over the corners of his mouth.

"I would want you to know that, no matter what, I love you, and I need you to be strong without me, and raise our daughter to be the person we know she can be. I'd tell you how much I loved it when you made me laugh-"

A smile flickered over her features, as though remembering all the times he'd made her sides ache from laughter, or her cheeks hurt from holding in the giggles.

"- and how you always looked so damn cute when you woke up and your hair stuck up everywhere-"

She ran her hands through his scruffy hair with a grin and a huff of amusement.

"- and I'd tell you how much it warmed my heart to watch you hold our daughter, and rock her to sleep, and watch her in the middle of the night. And how you'd get this look on your face... just took my breath away"

Jack closed his eyes as Sam ran her fingers through his hair to cup the base of his skull, her thumbs resting in front of his earlobes.

"Mostly I'd just want you to know-"she started, her fingers caressing his neck so that he opened his eyes, her voice barely a whisper. "- that these few years have been the best of my life, and if I had any regrets, it would be that I was leaving you and Zoe too soon"

He kissed her slowly, languidly, his hand coming up to cup her chin, the other resting over her back. She relaxed into him, resting over his body, her fingers working the short hairs at the back of his neck.

Sam pulled back and rested her chin on her splayed hands, looking up from her place over his chest.

"And you?"

Jack smiled, running his hand over her back.

"Something similar. I love you. I love what you've given me, and what you've allowed me to give you. I love to make you smile, and I'm sorry I won't be there to do it more often"

Sam's fingers flexed against his chest.

"Mostly, I'd want to know that you would go on and live a happy, full, fun life- you'd discover new things, and make new friends, and meet someone who could make you laugh, whoever they might be. And I'd tell you that you will be the most wonderful mother, and that Zoe is lucky to have you... and that I'm lucky to have spent these few years by your side... and that I wish I could have longer"

She kissed him again, her hand resting flat on his chest, the other threaded into his hair, her body laid out along his.

"You always bring out the sap in me", he mumbled against her lips, feeling her grin.

"I like the sap. It reminds me that you're not always an ass"

"I'm _not _always an ass", he said, his voice pitched higher in mock indignation.

Sam grinned again, rolling off him with what could only be described as a cheeky smile, her hands resting under her head on her own pillow. "So you say"

Jack rolled over her to cover her body with his, her arms coming down to rest over his shoulders, his forearms next to her ribs taking his weight.

"And you beg to differ?"

"I do"

"Hmmm... so tell me-"

He kissed her neck.

"- just how much do you _like _me being an ass?"

He kissed the space just under her earlobe.

"Because last night... well..."

He kissed her temple.

"You must have found _something _you liked"

He kissed between her eyebrows.

"Because I've never had a woman who dislikes my attitude-"

He kissed the corner of her mouth

"-scream that particular phrase so loud"

She pulled his lips to hers for a searing kiss. Hot and passionate and charged with the revelations of that night, mixed with the knowledge that four days ago he'd been practically half dead in an infirmary bed.

"It's not the attitude I love"

"Let me guess- it's the way I do this?"

He moved against her as his hand snuck under her tank top to rub that infamous sweet spot against her ribs, just below her breast.

If her moan was any indication, he was right.


	12. Silences

_Sorry it's been so long. Uni has taken some getting used to, and my muse went on an extended sabbatical, which was really annoying. Now I'm pretending to study for exams... I'm working on it! _

_Anyway, enjoy =D_

-0-0-0-0-0-

They live their lives now in a series of silences.

The lingering gaze over the crib- both of them holding one of her hands- speaks louder than any heartfelt sentiment ever could. It echoes in that space, bouncing between the occupants of that room, so clear he can almost hear her say the words.

He doesn't try to make them take shape in his mind- doesn't try to give the figment a real voice and colour and smell as though it's a memory to be held dear- because it's more pure than that.

Surer.

Safer.

The three of them in that room, connected.

So similar to the silence between them when they sit on the couch watching a movie, and she's curled into his side, their baby sound asleep, nestled between them.

Peaceful.

And for that day, hour, minute, the world stops spinning. There is nothing but the three of them there and it doesn't matter that he's been harassed into watching a chick-flick, because he honestly isn't even watching. He's too busy noticing the way Zoe takes a staggering breath in her sleep, and the way Sam smiles against his chest when the characters declare their undying love while the world explodes behind them.

He's too busy being in the moment to bother with measuring it, quantifying it.

And he doesn't have to say a word.

Silence, save for the strains of music from the rolling credits and the faint snores of the child.

So different from that other silence, as she stands watching, the glow of the event horizon glittering off long hair that she's now allowed to wear around her shoulders. Watching him from the control room as he takes a final look over the three-man team that hasn't yet found a suitable replacement for her.

This is not the silence of safety or contentment.

This silence is more stressed than that, yet somehow more familiar, and that makes him grin because nothing in their marriage has ever been far away from that room and that puddle of glowing water and that ramp that takes you one step and a billion light-years from home.

This is the silence born of duty, and honour and do-good, and he tries to focus on just those things, but in it he hears a whisper, like a hum, that warns him.

You come home Jack O'Neill, he can hear her say.

You come back to us alive and in one piece.

Don't be the hero. Be the survivor.

And he doesn't have to hear these words either, because unlike the night before in the nursery which was somehow an intuition, her face is saying it for her.

And this time he can hear her voice- so much like his own these days that he wonders if maybe the smartass was always under that good-soldier routine and was waiting to break free- telling him to haul his ass back here or else. Hand on hip, eyebrow raised, foot tapping, the whole shebang.

In these silences he sends his own look back, and gives the barest of nods to acknowledge the warning, and tries to ignore the way she fights to stop last night's look from breaking through just once more.

He watches her look towards the computers with what he could only call feigned indifference, using her skills and expertise as the excuse for her curiosity. And he sees her take one last look towards the three of them in the gateroom, and she meets his eye and tries to smile.

It half works.

He takes it.

They've said their goodbye, if this is what this is.

Which it isn't.

It never really is.

Somehow it never manages to get to that step. At least not yet.

Not today.

Because she's sitting on his infirmary bed, her hip against his hip, and his head is hurting like crazy and his knee is a bit stiff, but they've certainly had worse, and he got himself and the other two through the gate with no broken bones and no open wounds.

Which really is a feat all on its own.

And she's been waiting for him to wake up for the last three hours because she's his ride home, but he somehow gets the feeling that she doesn't even know how much time has passed. Because she's got that look on her face.

And it's not as mad as he was expecting. That's a good thing.

And he thinks it's because he silently fulfilled the promise that was never spoken, and hauled their asses back through that gate alive and in one piece.

And she realises that his eyes are open and he's looking at her too, and she smiles, and it reaches her eyes, and he gets the feeling that Daniel might have already told her how they had the proverbial option to stay or go on the first day, and they bailed, not because it helped diplomatic relations all that much, but because Jack had muttered something about a promise.

So they had jumped ship at the first sign of trouble, rather than waiting for it to come to them, and Jack had ignored the way the photo in his vest pocket burned right through his clothes, urging him forward- towards the gate- even as Daniel insisted he never suspected these people.

And he ignored the way Teal'c looked at him as though he knew exactly why Jack was doing this, because he's come to realise that Teal'c may well be slightly clairvoyant or telepathic, despite his lack of words.

Or Jack might just be losing the edge that he's lived with- been living on- since that infamous gun shot.

So he kind of gets why she isn't more mad at him, and that's a good thing, because he's tired enough to want to go home, but no so tired that he isn't looking forward to something more tonight.

What the almost randy look she's giving him tells him is in his immediate future.

That she's _very_ happy he's not shot.

So is he.

And when he looks down at her that night, after a wordless union that was littered with moans and grunts and sighs of pleasure, he knows that this is another of their silences that speaks.

The way that her hair fans out above her head, her face relaxed, her lips curved and her eyes barely open but locked on his. The way her chest is rising and falling quickly, regaining her breath. The way she makes no effort to move from under him, though he knows that in the aftermath of his own pleasure he's no lightweight. The way her hand comes up to rest on his check, unmoving, while she's content to just lay there and stare into his eyes.

And he's quite content to do the same, while lying on his side, because his arms shake under him, and no matter how much he works out, she has that effect. And they lay there for hours, minutes, weeks, just staring at each other, and he always thought he hated that 'silent communication' thing between them and what it meant, but turns out it's actually his favourite thing in the world.

And when Sam walks back into the room hours later, still naked, holding a whimpering Zoe, the faint glow of dawn on the horizon, he shuffles back half a space and they lay down next to him, baby in the middle.

And they're back to the looks of two nights ago, and even though her brown eyes couldn't possibly understand this, Jack gets the feel Zoe knows she in the safest place in the world, because she just looks between them, from one to the other, then starts throwing her fists up and down, straight arms, bent arms, to her mouth and into the blankets, and Jack can't help but marvel at the wonders he missed out on the first time.

And the way Sam looks at him over Zoe's head tells him she's as awestruck as he that they created this living, breathing, gurgling creature that has his eyes and Sam's fuzzy golden hair. As though it's the first time it's occurred to them, which it isn't. Because it's already been established that he's responsible for creating the left hand, and she made that right foot, and they worked together for all the stuff in between.

And all of these actions- all of these looks- tell him more than idle words ever could.

The words aren't spoken, because it's not the words that are important. It's the knowledge that the other person knows exactly what you're trying to say without you having to say it.

Because, just as he can see it on her face, he knows she can see it on his.

Knows it by the way the creases in the corners of her eyes disappear when he thinks about how much he loves her- her reacting to the infinitesimal trace of affection on his face.

In the way she never breaks his look when she comes back from putting the now-sleeping baby in the crib in the corner of their room, because sometimes they like to have her close by, even though she's getting old enough to always be in her own room.

The way she turns around, lies down and shuffles towards him so her back is flush against his chest. And she grabs his hand quite vehemently and pulls it over her stomach to rest over her chest, clasped in hers.

In the way she seems to hum when he kisses her neck, just below her ear.

The way they never seem to move away from each other in their sleep.

And the way she doesn't move when the sun beams obnoxiously through the window, but seems content to lie there for hours with him. Which is, in and of itself, a small wonder, because Colonel Samantha Carter was always a freakish morning person, and it would seem that Doctor Samantha O'Neill doesn't mind lazing in bed for a few more hours.

And that's fine with him.


End file.
